Thanks!

I would just like to say "Thank You" to all that helped raise money for the March of Dimes. Today was the walk and it was cold! We had a good time though- Gordo, Zander and I were joined by our friends and family to walk 3 miles in the park at the Crossings of Colonie. It was about 45 degrees when we started and warmed up to about 58/60 degrees by the time that walk was over. Atleast it wasn't raining like last year. As a team we raised over $500 and you can still donate ---- Anyways.......... thank you to all!

MARCH OF DIMES- MARCH FOR BABIES!

Well, i have the rest of this week to push for more donations for the March for babies walk on Sunday the 27th. So far I have raised over $400, i put part of my money that i have raise under Gordo's donations page. Last year the team raised over $1000 total, i am hoping to atleast raise 1/2 that amount by Sundays walk. i still have a good amount of people that said they want to donate, but i haven't had a chance to see them, hopefully they will still put the money to a good cause.
So if anyone else would like to donate they can- all donations are still being excepted even after the walk.
The web address is
www.marchforbabies.org/h4barrel
well thanks for supporting us and helping save babies!

Stay at Home MOM

So i had to leave my job for good. the worst thing is that it had ahppened so suddenly, i really wanted to give atleast 2 weeks, but due to my unfortunate daycare problem, i did not have ANYONE to watch Zander for a 2 week period. so i tried to give them 2 weeks and work night and i guess they would rather go with out anyone then have some help until a replacement came in.... their loss.
so , because of my daycare issue- the other kids that go to her, now have no daycare too. i spoke to one of the mom's and she asked if i could take her kids, since i will be home and all.... they live right down the street from us and it would be PT/ 2 days a week. this would last until our daycare provider can take on children again- so i could have them for the entire summer.... that's fine with me- i could us the extra $$$$- i also have put some ads in craigslist to get a toddler FT- that way Zander has some one to play with and i can have some income.
well i hope tha it all falls into play and i can get some extra $ and still be with my peanut.

What a day!

UGH- today was one of those days at work. It was our Spring Fling and the company was providing lunch for us and prizes to welcome back spring time. so i thought it was going to be such a good day--- my job is very easy, and some days the work load is extremely light. But it's the people that i work with----- i swear that they all come from the same trailer park! thier may be 1 or 2 that are decent- but most of them have NO TEETH -or only a few, they are either real fat or crack head skinny---- there are days when i feel like the prettiest one, and the smartest. Today--- i was joking around with the only girl that i get along with and the one who sits next to me (toothless)- decided to join the conversation- well i guess after about 5 mins she didnt like what i had to say and was PISSED---too bad, she is the one who butted in, it's my opinion and she doesnt like it then just shut up- well she didnt do that- she flipped out- made a scene and stormed away. And guess who got into trouble..........yep... i did and so did the other girl that was talking with me. 1st of all no one should have been spoken to--- if any one it should have been the girl who made a scene- i didnt ask her to interupt my conversation and get mad at me. i pretty much have had it with work.

lately i have been thinking about just staying home and taking a child or 2 for daycare---- atleast until Zander is ready for school. it keeps crossing my mind and i dont know what keeps stopping me from doing it--- i dont know i'll guess we'll see what happens.

I am also trying to continue to do Pampered Chef, business was extremely slow in the winter, and i only have a couple shows for the spring, i would love to book a few more--- atleast 2/3 shows a month would be nice. the commision that i make off of Pampered Chef is so nice for extra bills. If i really wanted i should just put the $$ away and take a vacation with it.

If i held 2 or 3 shows per month and each show held an average in sales- i would take home about $250.00 to $300.00 for that month-- save up enough commision check for about 6 months and the family could go to disney world, and have spending cash. So if you know any one who would like to host a show and earn FREE products just let me know--- or check out my personal website---
www.pamperedchef.biz/holliehayden

well now that i have vented a little and i also informed people about TPC- hat more soon!

Party? & join the MOD walk the next day!

OK
so yesterday I began my blog, and i already received some feedback- thank you.
like i said before this blog is to help me---- NO i am not depressed (like some of you think)- not everyone who has a blog does it because they are depressed! i wanted to be able to express what i think and who i am without anyone judging me while i am writing----judge me all you want after the fact- but i will have already of said what has been on my mind. So depression has nothing to do with it.
Anyways-
so i am planning this party for Saturday April 26th @ 530--- my house- it is going to be a jewelry party. My cousin hand craft and make beautiful jewelry and i decided to host a show for them---- so i am hoping that everyone will come over. Check out the website--- www.thefamileejewels.com . I will also have drinks (alki & non alki) and of course i will make some food. Now this is not only a party to buy stuff (but i hope that you will!) it is also a party to go to and just have fun, hang out with friends and family and enjoy that fact that the summer is on its way!
I started it early in the evening because i will have Zander that night- he will be out w/ Gordo until about 730 and then they should be home, he'll probably want to go to bed around 830 or so---- that's enough time for us to eat / drink / and shop-- don't you think? well i am looking forward to it---- my only fear is that no one will show up, and i have seen it happen.
I also the have to get up and do the March of Dimes walk the very next morning- that will wake me up! so far i have raised about $235 and gordo has about $50 for the entire team. last year our team raised over $1100- my niece was a member of the team and let me tell you---- she helped out big time- she went out and spread the word to her work and friends and they all decided to donate- it was great- she helped raise at least 1/3 or that total- i also had alot more of my close family / friends donating & walking, i hope that they at least join us when the time comes. if not i completely understand, but there is no hurt in asking!
This walk is important to me because of my peanut- even though the March of Dimes did not help us financially while he was in the NICU- they did help emotionally---- they have an office in the NICU, and they would give you things to keep your mind occupied- instead of always thinking of the worst- they gave me a cute little calender and all types of stickers to put on it for everyday that your little one is in the NICU, and the stickers are specially made for the patients--- it was really nice of them (i put the calender in his scrapbook) they also went around with a professional photographer and picked certain parents and children to snap photos of- we were lucky enough to have that done.One of the pictures is on the front page of the blog! But not only did they do that just for us - but they help so many others. If it wasn't for them then certain hospital wouldn't have the technology to save these babies- they help fund hospitals to get equipment; and the doctors & nurses are learning new way to help improve the chances of life. MOD also helps pregnant women throughout their 9 months- they want ALL WOMEN to make it a full 9 months along and to be healthy & have healthy children. I think that it is a wonderful charity and i will continually support it!


well that's all i have for right now- maybe I'll write a bit more later!

I can start from the beginning:

I had a GREAT childhood- I wouldn't change it even if I had to, and well I will always regret not attending college immediately after HS. I waited a year and at the time I thought I knew what kind of career I wanted. After 2 years of school and a basic Liberal Arts Degree- I bounced around from job to job- I also had the worst relationship in my life and thank god that ended. About 6 months after I graduated from HVCC I met my husband (gordo)- I wasn't even looking- he just appeared out of nowhere and we began to date. Our relationship started out small & grew so big. My roommate and I were living together, having the time of our lives- working and partying---- it was great, well, then Gordo moved in with us- that lasted about 7 months and then him and I got our own place. he is so good to me, with in the years that we have been together, I have still bounced around, not knowing what I wanted to do with my life. I then decided to go back to school, I thought that teaching was calling me, and because I have such a great guy- I quit my FT job and went to SCCC. 1 year after attending I decided that teaching was not for me and I just wanted to do what I loved----and my stress reliever is cooking---- so I went into the Culinary Program. While I was still in school I was happily married to my best friend.

He understands me! But not much later I was pregnant and I still had to finish school- thankfully I was going to graduate before the baby was due--- and that is what happened- I walked (actually wobbled) across the stage at Proctors Theater and received my Culinary Arts degree w/ honors. I worked my butt off to get HONORS- yet I didn’t want to be in the restaurant business. All I felt is everyone pushing me in that direction, and they have no idea what I was/am thinking. Well, thing all changed only a couple months later when my son (Zander) was born 11 weeks early. My entire world changed- I didn’t know if my son was going to live or die on a day to day basis. As the weeks went by he got bigger and healthier, and 70 days later we got take him home. My head was in such a fog when he was born, I just pushed gordo away and spent most of my time worrying about my son and myself.. Once the baby was home, I worked PT and Gordo went back to work FT and I did everything I could just to be able to take care of the baby. I knew that something was going on with me--- I seriously thought that I was dying. I went to see doctor after doctor to find out what was going on and at first they were clueless, but then I was diagnosed with Vertigo (but what is causing it?) the doctors kept telling me anything could cause it and they would just give me meclizine( which never worked)- Gordo was doing his best, by working and being a good dad, but our relationship slowly started to fade away. Not that long ago we decided to purchase a home and hopefully get our life back on track. Unfortunately that was and is not the outcome. The Vertigo was taken over my life. I quit my job of 3 years because I physically couldn’t do it anymore and not 1 of the 4 doctors that I was seeing would take me out of work- so I had to quit and try to find something PT, near home. I finally had enough and tried to figure what would trigger my vertigo. I realized that during the time when I was in the hospital for the baby I had hurt my right side of the neck and shoulder... and it still constantly hurt- so I went to a Chiropractor- what ever he did made me feel great- but it didn’t last for long. So I also tried a Physical therapist----- BINGO- I have an injury and it needs to be corrected. so now that I know what is wrong with me I am now trying to learn how to live with it so I can get back to normal---- and back to work. All these doctors appts and stuff have taking a huge financial toll on my life- not just paying for them but also in regards to my career. I can not do any major labor work- so pretty much rules out ANY restaurant business- (lifting is completely out of the question.) But not only has this crap taking a financial toll it has giving me mental strain and emotional roller coaster in my relationship. My husband has stuck by me thru it all and now that we know what I need to do to take care of myself- he is supporting me and I feel closer to him everyday- he understands why I am having a bad day and how much pain I am in. (I would never wish this upon anyone!)If it were up to me I would take every bit of knowledge that i have and put it to use---- FOOD CRITIC- that is the perfect job. I have a full background for that career. I could be around the food, I enjoy talking and love to write what I want to say, and I could still be at home with my little guy. Unfortunatley I feel as if that thought ( which i have had since i started SCCC) has become a fantacy- I don't know of any newapaper or magazine in upstate NY that would take on me-they already have someone to do that work----so........... Let me tell you- as my neighbor says- "when it rains on us--- it pours!"

But, I also have had a lot of good too, outside of my problems I have a wonderful little boy that is growing, learning and loving everyday . We have been blessed to have such a good little boy (I know that if we have another child we are in some BIG trouble.) Zander is one of a kind- even though he was 11 weeks early he has caught up and passed his physical appearance, and developmentally he is right at his age. Doctors say that premature children are usually behind 1 year per month early- so then Zander wouldn’t be developmentally up to date until he was almost 3 years old and yet he is so far advanced for his age now. (maybe I just have an extremely intelligent child!) I also have a wonderful husband -as I have been saying thru the blog- but we are so perfect for each other. He takes care of me as much as I would take care of him (or almost as much.) And then I have a home, not just a house--- it is my home. I have great neighbors, they are very thoughtful and caring and we couldn’t have asked for better. We like the area that we are in and our house is nice, small , and cozy- it could be a tad bigger--- but we can fix it up to my taste!
All these things going on in my life and yet I still feel there is something missing --------------------
I have tried to start giving back, last year I became involved with the March of Dimes- and raised $$$ & walked for them- I am doing the same this year (maybe I’ll do it every year) - if you want more info take a look at the website- www.marchforbabies.org/h4barrel
This year I also signed up to do the Relay for Life - American Cancer Society. My mom passed away in the summer from cancer and it was an awful sight, people shouldn’t have to deal with that- I would love to help fight it and find a cure. You can check that website out also- www.main.acsevents.org/goto/hhayden
I hope that this is a start - for my own sake and I will always try to do the right thing to make me a happier person along with people in my life. Even if it means giving!

Welcome

To all of you who read this:
I just want you to know that I started a blog to help me. In the past couple years my life has been flipped upside down and right back over again and I feel as if I am just not my self any more. Anyone who knows me knows that I love to talk... and sometimes I ramble. So that is what I am going to be doing in my blog. I will talk about my everyday life, family and just the little things that may be bothering. My blog may be filled with laughs, tears or even anger. The one thing that I can tell you- is that they will not be properly typed- I do not always use the caps lock button and sometimes i forget how to spell- so please don't judge me on my typing skills. AND PLEASE ALWAYS REMEMBER---- this is my blog and it will have my opinions on it- so if you disagree please inform me and we can discuss it- but I will not hold an argument about it. I chose to do a blog to help me and hopefully make me feel better, and anyone who would rather knock me down, should just stay away.
I have tried to weed out the good people from the bad people in my life. I know that I will always have some sort of problem going on, everyone will- I just am trying to make my life less stressful.
So hopefully you will enjoy reading at times and you are more then welcomed to comment. talk to everyone real soon

-hollie