Happy Holidays to all!!!! Merry Happy X-Mas New Year...

So it's been a little while since an update--sorry, been a little busy and all. We had this huge Ice Storm not that long ago-.
my poor yard and trees are damaged. It started as just freezing rain and then it just wouldnt stop coming and after about a day it then started to snow---awful.... we were lucky though we only lost power for about a day. I packed up Zander and Johnson and headed to my sisters and Gordo stayed at his parents for the night (closer to his job)--- i'd rather have stayed at my sisters because it is just a bigger place and the dog was allowed. I was not going to leave him in a cold house alone. But by noon the next day we had power back and it was all good...except for my tree's. Limbs were breaking from the tippy top of trees and my yard was covered ... there is this willow tree (i dont think it is even ours) most of it just cam edown from the storm and the rest just looks like it want to fall over- i think i need to find out who's tree it is and talked to them about it! But after that storm we got hit again---just before xmas with tons of snow, probably from 12- 20 inches. I hate shoveling and we so need to buy a snowblower. But that turned out okay too and then came the holidays.....

so you know- we had a Great X-Mas and I'm sure it will be a good New Year. Zander was spoiled by all the family and Santa must have thought he was a good boy- because he got alot of toys.



The toys you see is only about 1/2---the rest were already opened and scattered across the floor to be played with. He had so much fun...every morning when he wakes up he runs into the living room,
grabs a new toy and plays with it for about 3- 5 mins and then he comes to ask me for a drink (he never used to do that---it was always the drink 1st before anything else!)
He also did absolutley great when we went to the families homes. We thought it was going to be difficult- but it went well. After about 1 1/2 hrs he would then get cranky or hyper and then start acting up... it gave us just enough time to say our hellos and then leave. After all was said and done---he was exhausted from 3 days of madness....and so was I- but it was great!

We went to our neighbors a couple days before xmas to celebrate our holiday--- it was a nice time..Mary made us all dinner and we unwrapped some gifts and played with the kids. Emily is their little peanut--she is getting so big---& so adorable. I took some pictures of her giving her mommy a kiss and then just 'smiling with that big grin' (sucking on her binky-lol)


We love our neighbors- Rob & Mary are such good people and I know that Zander sure will have some fun as Emily gets older (as a childhood friend and possibly more???)

I am actually releived- this week i do not have any kids for childcare (it's like a mini vacation)- my 2 kids i watch are home w/ their mother (she's a teacher- holiday break) and the other little girl i have is not coming due to a DR's appt for Zander the same day. All i have to say is THANK YOU- it's a good mind breather. I dont know how people do it--- i'm not talking about having a bunch of kids (your own) i am talking choosing that as a career-daycare--- it is to much. If they are your own--yes it can be hectic but you have the say about everything---when it's another child ... well that's a whole other story.

So today i went to my follow up appointment for my MRI and I guess everything looks fine---I have slight ware & tear(comes w/ age) but for the most part my neck and shoulder are okay...so I am hoping that what this Dr diagnosed me with is true and alittle PT or exercise will help. I really haven't stuck to my workouts- when i started doing them it was about 4-5 times a week---well now it is maybe 2 times a week, i wish i had the motivation to just do it- i should just join the gym and when i go it will motivate me then. HMM we'll see!

Well that's about it for now--- I could probably keep on going but we'll save some more for another date--- Happy New Year Everyone!!!

Zander's stage & the holidays

So gordo/ zander & i went to a xmas party this weekend- it was zander's 1st big party and we knew it was going to be tough on him. We only stayed about 1 1/2 hrs and it got real bad for zander in the end. unfortunately he is not a people person and he just hasnt learned to listen like people want him to and it was tough. i followed him throughout the house as he touched EVERYTHING- I mean everything, from all the xmas decorations to m&m's to other peoples drinks and the remote controls. everyone kept telling me to let him be, and to relax; and then when i did- he would get in trouble for touchingthings and then i would get a look (like I am supposed to be watching his every step) what do they think i was doing. they all said that i should bring him--- but it was just to crowded and he is just not at the right stage in his toddlerhood to go outlike that. we left early - it got very frustrating. Unfortunately Alexzander is somewhat delayed in his development and it is starting to show - BIG TIME. It is very sad to me because i see how smart he can be and yet i also see how much he wants to do things and struggles with it. he wants to talk and yet can't say alot of words and he tries so hard to control his feelings be patient and then there are just certain things that are uncontrolable for him. I dont think anyone see's this and they see him as this older child that should know better (and when he does wrong they get mad at him---he senses this and that's just wrong)--my child is the size of a 4 year old nd he is only 2 1/2 yrs old but his developmental stages on certains areas can be behind at an even younger age- so he shouldnt be displined for that and when i see it - it make me want to cry and just cuddle him so he knows he is loved and he is a good boy- he just needs to learn and i am here to help. i see myself doing this too- i see myself yelling at him for things i think he should do- but i am learning now that he can't- he hasnt grasped it yet and now i am trying to become more patient w/ him. he is getting some professional help but -it just cant come soon enough. & now that the holidays r here- i dont know if he'll last going to the families homes (of course they can't come here to make things easier on him- that's a whole other story) so i am hoping that the family doesnt get mad when we only stop by for a short time and when Zander has had enough we will be leaving, I hope that they understand w/ out questioning it.
I nkow that i will be doing everything in my power to have him catch up developmentally and i will protect him from anyone that thinks he is wrong- no matter the situation. Gordo & i are also working on ourselves and how we react to him- NO ONE should get yelled at or in trouble for not knowing they did something wrong or didnt do something at all. he is to innocent of a child to be hurt and he is loved to much to let that happen to him.

MRI

So today I am off to get a MRI done on my neck. I recently had my physical and I told my Dr that I think I should be seeing an orthopedic or someone else for my vertigo and neck/shoulder issues (they are all related) so i was referred to the orthopedic and i saw them about 3- 4 days ago...he listen to everything that has been going on with me and then ran some test....he said he isnt EXACTLY sure what is wrong and my xrays look fine- so we are goignt o get an MRI done on my neck area to rule anything out (i had a MRI on my head when this all started)- so that is where i am off to today. The Dr thinks that i may have a Thoratcic Outlet syndrome in my neck/ shoulder area- and that may be causing the tension headaches and stress behind the ear and head which then can lead to vertigo----FINALLY some freaking answers...i have been waiting for over 2 years to get some help and GOD i hope this is it. Anything that i could do to help treat this will be great. If this is my problem and all this treatment doesn't work, the worst case scenerio is surgery...but- i will wait on that for a long time. well i am off to sit it a bubble and listen to the most annoying machine take pictures of my insides. Talk to you all soon.............bye, bye

Thanksgiving & Black Friday--wasn't so black

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.... I hope that you all had a good day yesturday- mine was pretty good. I had the in-laws over and my sister decided to come for dinner. Everything went pretty smoothly and the food turned out pretty good too- which you would hope it would considering i did get a degree in "cooking"--hehehe

Today is Black friday and I did go do the shopping thing this morning. I tiook Zander with me-- we actually had a good time...he was such a good little boy. We didnt go out until about 8am- I wasn't dealing w/ that rush. I still got most ofthe stuff that was on my list (a few items that i wanted were sold out.) Zander made it until about 10:45/11am and then he started to get cranky, bu that was okay because i was done and we were waiting in line to cash out by then. Him & I hit up a few different stores and I finished all my shopping for Gordo & Zander. I just have to get a few more small items for my neighbors and the kids i watch and Gordo has to go START HIS SHOPPING---he'll do that on Dec24th!(lol)

I decided that I was goingto take it easy today and rest---NO STRESS.........
I spent the rest of my day just hanging out at the house w/ Zander ---doing absolutly nothing (well i did play on the computer for a bit) but other then that I did nothing---& now all i am going to do is put the baby to bed around 8:30 & then pour myself a LARGE glass of wine (or 2) and watch a movie w/ Gordo. So have a great holiday weekend and enjoy your night--bye, bye!

DELETE

so i have taking care of my problem. if you previously read my blog you should realize that the prior email isn't there anymore---i realized that i shouldnt worry bout the situation and make myself sick about it. And just in case anyone is wondering.THIS IS MY BLOG AND I CAN SAY WHAT EVER I WANT! I opened this blog so that i could speak my peace and if people dont like it then they dont need to read the damn thing. my friends and family will read and if they dont like my particular post they are more then welcome to wait until the next one comes along.
so i took care of my problem and i am hoping that i am less stressed--- ever since the situation started my head has been hurting---the dizzyness set in (vertigo) & my tension headaches have come full force--- so i took a pill today and tried to relax and forget about the problem. it only worked alittle bit, but i know if i keep working on it - my issues will go away and i will be back to normal soon.

my next big stress is this Thursday---Thanksgiving--- i am doing dinner and i have to get my house clean. i have the kids tomorrow until about 1pm so as soon as they leave i will be in full cleaning mode. After Thursday it will be full force xmas!!! Can't wait! everyone keeps asking me what to get for Zander--- i havent got a clue. he has everything and doesnt play with it. i have been looking for a very large and long outdoor slide to get him- he loves the slide...that would be a great gift so he could start using it in the spring...but we'll see what happens. Well i gotta go and play with my kids (Gordo & Zander)lol----later!

The hole in my heart!

OK- so I seem to be addicted to this Facebook website--- I hope its only because i havent fully set up my page and checked out all the friends yet- but when that is all done and settled I hope to not be on the site as much---like i said before- it sems that when you are on, everyone wants to chat or contact you and that is when i can never get anything done.- so i try to get on early in teh morning so i can work on it---but therre is ALWAYS somebody on.
Anyways-- so after i entered my blog yesturday i went and checked my emails- guess who contacted me---yep my old BF Heather- i read her FB profile and it says that she wanted to reconnect w/ her BF----if she is talking about me , well i think that she knows my number---umm, my email address (because i have emailed her)----- and she also knows where i live. if she really wanted to reconnect she might have already of done it in some other way, shape or form. Maybe i am sounding cruel- but I am fucking pissed at that friendship.

ok i have to stop talking about this---see how i can get off on tangents.

so since i have been on FB i have been talking to a good chunk of people and when they ask me what i am doing w/ myself --i feel like such a loser when i tell them i am a "stay at home mom" and i take kids for "childcare"--- i know that there is nothing wrong with doing that- but to me personally there is-- i didnt plan for this- i just want to do what i love- and the more i talk to people i think i should just give it a try. i mean I went to school or journalism and also culinary arts- so i keep thinking i should try to be a food critic or banquest mngt (or even own a catering srvc- even if it is something i do PT- or whatever. i just dont know how to start going about it.- i am going to do some research in the next few days and see what stirs up.
i love being home with my son and i also love doing Pampered Chef, but i really need to do something that have been burning a hole in my heart for a while. i also think i should talk to my husband about this- i try to keep him upto date with everything that i think or do. well i'll start looking around and see what i come up with. Time to go research!------------- I must be smoking something feirce....Food critic- sounds nice and all- but the average career in that only last less then 5 yrs. I need to find something that I can always do- for a good length of time. I have alot of different experience in --well, everything...hmmm what to do? any suggestions?

Facebook

So i joined up for Facebook yesturday... still don't know if it was a good idea. I didn't want to at first- really didnt want people contacting me or even knowing that i was around, but then i got on it and realized that there is a good chunk of people that i would like to see how they are doing. so for now i will stay signed upand when i dont feel like being contacted i will just ignore thir request. Facebook is crazy- i just keep getting emails---its nonstop- do people REALLY want to reconnect w/ me or are they just adding me to their friends list because they just remeber who i am. hmmmmmm- think long and hard if you are really going to chat w/ me- if not...just delete me!
so i was on yesturday w/ am old friend Heather (kownack) Grogan- i grew up next door to her.... well we started talking about all the people that we used to hang out with and we looked for them--- of course there are certain people that we both still talk to --- or USED TOO talk to- her & talked about our other friend Heather - it was not a good conversation--- i got all upset and just changed the subject.
but other then that i have received a bunch of emails from some people that i would love to talk to and even get together with and do lunch or something- i cant wait to see who else emailed me (haven't checked it this morning)---- but i am waitiong on 1 particular email from an old friend that didnt go to my school but him & i used to just talk for hours..... even after we graduated and lived in different states- i still talked to him, ..... now i heard that he is married and has kids and i am so happy for that- but to just say hello and maybe catch up would be great- so he is pretty much the main reason i joined facebook- to reconnect with him- i miss our friendship and would like to start a "new" one.

R U ready for Thanksgiving/ R U reading?

So next week is Turkey Day- i am having dinner at our house. I invited my sister over and i asked my neice too- unfortunately they both will not be coming- we also asked my in-laws. so i guess Thanksgiving dinner this year will be Gordo, Zander, Barbara (grandma), Jerry (grandpa), and me. Not much to cook and that is fine with me. i am just starting to get ready for it--- i still want to put on a big meal with appitizers and desserts. we will be watching the football games- so we can snack on stuff before the turkey. i haven't even decorated for any of the holidays yet--- i am way behind.....

Of course Dallas will be playing - so the TV will be on for that game. they actually won their game last week- i dont know what happened to my team, they were doing so well, i hope they get their crap together and win the rest of the season!PLAYOFFS!!!

so i tried that cleansing program - still working on it--- let me just say the cleanse stuff is freaking gross. i could handle the shakes and all the other things- but my cleanse day was aweful- i got sick the first day, i dont think i can handle the taste of the drink and not eating a meal. the 2nd day i was taking the drink as shots and chasing it down with water. i could handle it alot better & i didnt get sick. it definatley works and cleans you out, but it is disgusting to drink. Right now i have to do a few more days of the shakes and then i have to cleanse ... again! not looking forwad to it- but i figured it was only 2 days and i could get through that. like i have said before- i just want to feel good. I have also used those detox foot pads, they seem to work great. I mean i only seem to notice a little difference- but i dont care if the difference is big or small- it is a difference and that is all that matters. i have alot more energy and i feel happier because of that. i have had people tell me it is because the stuff has caffine in it--- sorry to say, but caffine makes me sick and gives me a headache- with this stuff i don't have that, so it definatley is not caffine that is giving me the energy! i will keep on using it until i fell at my best.

HEY I have a question for you........... Does Any One Ever Read My Blogs- I never get any comments or responses....hmmmmm, makes me wonder if there is anyone out there thinking about me and checking on my life. There are a few people that I know that have blogs and I check them out everynow and then- you know, just to keep up on these people and see how that are doing---- i always wonder if anyone else is doing the same for me!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Detox

So I have been reading up on the different ways to cleanse your body of toxins. i am going to try the detox foot pads- i heard that the work pretty good and give people energy. I would loove to feel better if i had all this crap out of my body. But i don't see evry toxin coming out through yor feet. It's just not physically possible. Some toxins can only be release in waste. so ia m also going to be doing a full body cleanse. i spoke to some people that have done this before and i am going to try it this weekend. Between, the foot pads and this i am sure to feel better afterwards. i am also doing the exercise program 4/5 times a week & i am (always have) eating right. but i am goingto be adding nutritional shakes to my diet, this will boost my metabolism and help me lose some weight. Hopefully this will all work out for me. My biggest thing is just feeling better--- i have heard that when you detox- some people have said that they don't feel any more pain in their joints/ or even muscles-- other s have said it has helped with their sinuses and cold or flu. & others also say it helps w/ restless leg syndrome or headaches & artheritis. I am hoping for any type of result, and i should know by this weekend----- it may take a few tries to get the results i want, but i'm sure there will be a small difference at first and I CAN'T WAIT!

My New Me

Did you ever have just one of those days were one little thing just happens to change what you are doing with yourself? i had that day yesturday and now i am doing everthing to figure out how to change myself. it's very easy - i just need to figure out my routine-that's the hard part....and i also need to stick to that routine. As everyone already knows- i am always feeling dizzy and shit and i am now going to take the full matter into my hands. Obviously i will still keep going to dr's and stuff, but i need to start a full exercise program and other stuff. i need to start feeling better in everyway.

My looks have gone to HELL. I have lost all of my self esteem. I always just want to cry when i look at myself or even when I am w/ my husband. it's the worst feeling and i am sure there are alot of people out there that understand what i am saying. i used to have a nice figure and i thought i was beautiful. I'm not being conceded but i know that i am not ugly and i used to love the way that i looked. But i noticed that "when i look good i feel good." That saying is so true and i need to get that way again. i want to lose atleast 15lbs by xmas, and i would like to drop my pant size by 2 sizes. my complete goal is to lose atleast 25lbs and drop 3 full sizes, and i want to do this in the next 3/4 months. if i try really hard i know that i can do it.

i also want to build up some muscles--- i think that if i get into shape and build that muscle i wont always be hurting. i seem to always be stressed and when i am stressing my neck has pressure on it. so if i learn to relax and have those muscles in great condition then maybe i wont always have them hurt. that is a huge problem that is connected to my Virtego!

Hopefully doing some of this will help lift my self esteem and then i can be a happier person. so with all this in mind i need to have th strength (not physical either--- i need mental strength) to start doing it and stick to a plan. I hope that people will be supportive of me and not let me fall off. I expect everyone to encourage me to stick to my routine and comment if it looks like it is working or even ask about it and encourage me to continue with it. i feel like i am aksing some one to be my parent and TELL me what i should be doing--- maybe i need some guidence............

Trick or Treat!

Yesturday was Halloween- 10/31/08, and boy did Zander have some fun-

He was dressed up as Dracula. With the slick hair and everything (except for the Dracula teeth) Look how cute he is!!!




During the day I had the 2 kids that I watch- so he got to play with them all day and then around 2pm they all changed into there costumes.

At around 4pm Gordo, I & Zander went to Clifton Park Center to do some trick or treating. He did so good- He started to follow all the other children and would grab the candy out of the baskets...it was so cute, but only lasted about 20 mins for him. We almost filled his pumpkin basket right up--- but when he got tired of trick or treating we decided to eat some dinner at the mall.
Then we went to the bouncy bounce place in the mall and let him use alot of energy. This is a place that has those big air bouncy towers and kids can play on them all day. They had a special going for halloween- so we figured that we would see if Zander would like it and let him play. At first I think he didn't know what to do. He didn't want to leave our side, but we told him to go run around on the boucy bounce--he finally did and he HAD A BLAST! He had such a good time, it made me tired just watching him.

After the mall we took a drive over to scare the grandparents. They gave him a box of animal crackers as a treat instead of the candy they had. Uncle Andy was there and Jen showed up alittle bit later- she was dressed up as a mermaid. His costume was getting to hot for him so we took it off and just let him wear his halloween t-shirt that he made.
He was pooped and just wanted to go home and relax, so thats were we headed next and Halloween was all done by 7pm. It was so much fun and we all can't wait until next year!

Tastefully Simple

last night i had a Tastefully Simple party- i had so much fun. It was great just to sit back and have a good time with everyone. I had all food prepped and out for everyone and i didnt worry about it until after the party was done. The turn out was good. It wasn't to big and there was about 10 people in the house plus Zander. I am so use to having to be the one to do the show- it was great to just sit and have someone else take over. I am still keeping the show open so others can order if they would like, and i'll probably close it by Friday. Thanks to all who came over- i hope you enjoyed yourself.

my week plans

So I once again asked everyone for donatins to help me raise funds for the walk that i did on Sunday for Making Strides for Breast Cancer. I was part of ateam with the other Papered Chef girls in my cluster. I had a good time- i raised over $100. and as a team i think we alomst hit $1000--- go team!. it was such abeautiful day, alittle chilly but i just wore extra clothing. The next time i ask for donation is starting in january for the March Of Dimes. That one is a big one for me- i alone try to raise over $1000. I am the team captain and i try to recruit people to join the team and walk with me---hopefully i get a lot of people to help this year.

well --- anyways i am having a tastefully simple party this friday and my guest list isnt goingto well. right now i have 4 people that said they would definately come---i have like 6/7 "maybes", i wish i knew exactly who was coming so i could get the right amount of food--- it would be a different story if this wasnt a party envolving food! I also wish i could get some more orders, it would be nice to actually hold a party and make something off of it. well - lets hope it works out for me!

today is my day off- i don't have the kids to watch so Zander & i are going to go shopping for stuff. he still needs a halloween costume- we have been out looking for siomething and i just cant find the right item for him. he can't stand anything on his head- so that pretty much rules out ...everything. i also cant put make up on his face- because it will then be all over the couch---i have th ekids that day and they are dressing up- so Zander needs to get a costume also. wish us luck---i'll take pictures that day and post them after halloween. talk toyou all soon- we have to get ready and go out for the day!!!!!!!

Zander update

Look at how big my little peanut is getting. He is such a wonderful child to be around. Granted - he's at that terrible 2 stage but i love every minute i spend with him. one of his favorite things he loves is to smile for a camera. when ever i have it out- he wants to look at it and then he'll say "smile" and look at it with the biggest smile---what a little ham!
The one thing he does consitantly is he loves to count to 10. He'll start at 2 and go to 10. he rarely says 1- I think because when he was learning we always started with the number 1 and then he would say 2, 3 ,4.... so he starts at 2 (we're working on that)
Well i just wanted to update on my peanut and let everyoine know that he is doing great!

beautifull weekend doing nothing!

This was a great weekend. Absolutley beautiful weather and nice & relaxing- kinda..... Granted i did have a craft fair to work on saturday, but i enjoyed it. i dropped Zander off at Aunt Lorie's in the morning and then went to set up at the fair in rotterdam. It was only until 3 pm so i knew it wouldnt be a long day. the business was pretty slow but i became ok with that. after the craft fair was done i went a picked up the baby and we cam ehome to hang out with daddy. we just kinda all hung out- we ate some dinner and then went outside and started to clean up the back yard. Some of Zander's outside toys were wiped down & stored away. to me it wasn't work, it was just being with my family. after we settled in for the night, we tucked Alexzander in bed and gordo & i watched some TV together. That rarely happens - so to just watch a show or 2 was great quality time w/ the hubby. Sunday was football day, but 1st we finished the backyard. the weather was nice and warm and Zander played outside and wore himself tired. Gordo & i pretty much just sat on the couch together and watched the 1pm & 4pm football games. unfortunately my team lost --- it was very sad :(
but i got over it very quickly and the good thing was gordo had monday off- due to the holiday. so we just chilled that day too. his parents took us all out to lunch in the afternoon and that was nice. Zander loves going out to eat. he is such a good little boy. after lunch we came home and fininshed up our outside chores. it was just a nice weekend being together, even though we did have alittle work to do.

my life--in a nut shell

I guess that I should update this every now and then. So, lets see--whats been new in my life--- well... I have these 2 wonderful children that i am taking care of- they are the greatest kids- and i hope to never lose them- as long as i am doing childcare. they are ages 3 and 8 mnths and they are great. i guess i cant say anything bad about them.
anyways- i am also very busy with Pampered Chef- it's like i keep getting one show after another--- GREAT! the more shows i do, the more money i make. I am also hosting a Tastefully Simple Party in the end of Oct- on the 24th. That should be fun- you get to eat great gourmet foods. other then that this is about it--- my life--- writing in a few paragraphs!

On the other hand- Zander is growning up so quickly- he is starting to talk so good, he's learning how to put words together--- he is such a little man!
well talk to you all later!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Very Sad

Just the other day I have recently lost a friend. My friend Lillian was killed in car crash, and her 8year old daughter is still in critical condition. It is just so sad, she was such a good person. I met her when i was working at Red Robin, she was so open and straight forward---she reminded me of ... me! I remember when we both found out we were pregnant- it was so exciting. we knew that we get to spend the entire pregnancy together. This was her 3rd child and my only. It sounds corny but we loved it--- we were like little kids when we found out both of us were having boys and then when i ended up having my child real early- she was pretty much one of the very few people (friends) that came to visit me in the hopsital--(even though she was 8 months pregnant herself). I am just very heartbroken to see that her life had to end so suddenly. Her children are now with out a mother and they are all so young. Her newborn--- will never remember her, only the stories that he is told. I hope that she will always be able to watch over each one of them, and i hope her daughter pulls through the accident & her mother is lived out through her. I will miss her.

blah- blah....

Happy Anniversary to Gordo & I---today is our 3 year wedding anniversary and yet I feel that we have been together so much longer. I guess we have, we dated for almost 6 years before we got married. Anyways- we are going to go out to dinner tonight----without the baby.I HOPE WE HAVE A GREAT TIME!
Well i have alittle busy lately. I have had a good chunk of Pampered Chef shows this summer and i also have been interviewing for daycare kids. I will be taking on a PT before/afterschool child starting in Sept and i still have the 2 other boys PT 2x's a week until the 1st week of Nov. and i may get (depending on the interview) 2 children during the week. So my days will be slightly busy again....atleast i will be making money!
Who knows what the hell is going on w/ gordo's job----- the post office is pretty much screwing him over. it's not a personal thing towards gordo- but he was supposed to become a regular and get his own route but his office has put a stop to it and they are saying that the main branch might not allow it now and other crap like that---so he is just a bit ticked off. it really sucks because we can plan anything. its just so frustrating................
well i am going to try and get zander down for a nap---- he likes to keep me awake all night and then wants to play all day- so he meeds to nap and so do i

talk to you all soon

update on my kitchen

hi everyone
i just wanted to give an update on my kitchen. i know that i talked about it in the begining of the summer and well it was close to finished in July so i wanted to post some pictures.


THIS IS THE OLD KITCHEN----BEFORE!

i think that it came out great. i still need to do the other side of the wall and unfortunatley my fridge that i have doesnt fit in the actual kitchen-i had to put it in the mud room. but i just need to buy a side by side 2 door fridge and that will fit in the kitchen---maybe that will get done next year with the rest of the stuff.


THIS IS THE NEW ONE---AFTER!



also the next thing we do will be a new floor in the lv rm & den. Gordo wants to put wood (laminate) floors down all over the house. well here are some pics of the kitchen.


Also take a look at my new dining room- i didnt have this before---we ripped down a wall and put in a new floor and opened up this space- now it is a dinig area for us------love it!!!! before & after pictures

before........

and after.......

OMG--- my family!!!!

so i have to rant about this
it has bothered me for 2 days now---and i can't sleep

so Thursday was the 1 year anniversary date of my mothers death and i asked my father if he would like to go do dinner. i didn't want to make it a sappy dinner and be all sad- i just thought it would be nice to be with my family. so i asked dad if he wanted to have anyone else there he said sure and it ended up being... me , dad, my sister Lorie, & 2 brothers Tim & Andy. i had a really good time believe it or not. it was a nice dinner and entertaining..plus i enjoyed being with just my immediate family. there was no sadness or drama or anything like that (which is shocking, because in my family there is always DRAMA)
well then there was the after dinner- my brother Tim wanted to do coffee in the shop next door- i wasn't going to go and neither did some others.... but then--- my dad forgot to give Tim his camera and was driving his car- sitting in the middle of the road trying to talk to me, so i just took the camera and told him I'd give it to Tim--- so i went in the coffee shop to find them... once i gave him the camera i was going to leave, but i had to stupidly ask what was wrong----well..............DRAMA!
my brother was concerned about my fathers health, and grant it so was I. my sister didn't seem to concerned, but the conversation became this big freaking drama case. and not only that- i feel as if we repeated ourselves 1 million times. what could have been a 15 min conversation of our concerns for our father just dragged out and i felt uncomfortable at times. i know how i feel about my father dating others and right now i do not like it, but that is something i have to get through... i also don't like that my father is a completely different person and avoids his family, but i hope that he comes back around after he establishes a relationship. when i expressed these feelings to them- i felt like they looked at me like i had no clue to reality and to get over myself....... um---- shut the f*ck up... i can feel and think however i want. but- nope the conversation just had to be dragged out and kept going and going........
i know that my nice evening out with my family just went bad. i couldn't wait to get out of there and be in my home with my NON DRAMA family. i think my sister was starting to think the same thing. it just bothered me so much- it's like i can't even be around my family for more then a couple hours anymore... especially my brother, i love him & all but he is either always busy or is trying to sell you something or it's like he has to prove something to you..... which isn't the case- i am your family so don't try your shit with me.
oh, if you are reading this and you are my family... just remember, this is what i think/ feel and i don't care to prove anything to you. i am who i am and at least i am sincerely happy being like that!

FT Daycare-----Possibly?!

So I am hoping that I get these 2 FT children starting in Monday the 4th. I have been interviewing some people for daycare and there's this couple that i might take- they have 2 children, 18mnths & 3 yrs old. they are so cute... anyways this couple actually seem very decent. The are willing to pay me what i have asked for and they need FT 5 days a week care for the 2 children, there hours are with in my range (actually shorter), and they i only hope that there aren't trash. I hate when people don't pay or just bring the kids whenever they want and only will pay you for that day--- when they agreed to a whole different thing. I gave them my policies and informed them of everything i expect from them as the adult and I can only hope it works out. I am probably going to be watching the kids for a couple days for a trial period and then i hope to start on monday. worst case is that the parents hated me and dont bother w/ me again. If i take these 2 kids, then i am set and in the fall when i lose the 2 pt boys i can try to get a pt 5 day week after school kid. This is my goal and I hope that it works out for me---- all i want is to be able to stay at home with my son and yet have some sort of income- so if i watch 2 FT children and 1 pt child a week i have reached my goal. not only will i be home to take care of Zander & making money, but I am not paying for daycare either. It's either i do this for a few years or i find a REALLY NICE PAYING JOB that will cover my daycare expense and give us alittle extra income. right now we live just fine the way we are, but i want to know that i have alittle extra put away incase i need or want something or just to add to our savings account...and besides- i would love to go on a nice vacation too and not worry about having $$$$$. My husband & i hate charging anything- i don't need any debt and would love to pay off the debt i already have-- so this extra income would be great. BYE BYE Student Loans!!! So wish me luck and i hope they likes me!

booming business

sorry- it's been a little while since i last wrote. I have been alittle busy. My kitchen it pretty much done. I only have very minimul things to do to it.

There was also the 4th of July, and that is Zander's bday too- he had so much fun. He got so many toys- he loves playing with everything--- lately he loves to play outside with his basketball hoop. he also loves all his puzzles....

Well i am also busy w/ watching kids. I am trying to get a FT child- so when the 2 PT boys that i have leave in the fall i will atleast have another child here. I also am hoping to get a PT afterschool kid too. I have also been busy w/ Pampered Chef. I did a flea market the other day and i have been busy with it since. I have a few catalog shows booked and 2 cooking parties also. I am hoping that i get alot more cooking party bookings from the 2 that i have already. I am hoping to get alot of shows for the fall for Pampered Chef- usually it is a big hit for the holidays, but last year i didnt seem to do to swell. so i am pushing for it now and hoping it will go into the fall.i have a show lined up for oct, so i am hoping i can get atleast 3-4 more up until the 1st week of dec. the money i make from this will be good xmas money for the baby's stuff.
well i need to get going, i am also helping with a benefit dinner---- i am trying to get donations for a silent auction and i need to go pick some up- so i will be writing more soon. bye bye

Zander's B-day--- 4th of July 2008

Big Relief

wow, this is such a relief, and so much more LESS STRESS. So i am done with the 2 little children that were causing me so much stress and trouble. When i hurt my wrist I did not have any children, but at the same time i also felt that i still needed to take the kids because i have been paid already- so i owed them ATLEAST one more day of daycare... well today was the last day for me- i went to tell the mother that i would only be taking them for today and then it would have to end, .......... but she told me that she found a FT daycare provider that would be going to her house m-f for the kids and she didnt need me anymore. what a relief that was to have her tell me 1st. now i can put an ad in for 1 child for daycare, along w/ the 2 PT boys that i have. I have been trying to get in touch w/ the 1yr olds parents to tell them i will no longer take him- but they never answer the phone and there is no machine to leave a message-oh well!
ANYWAYS--
so we are going to be camping this weekend and i can't wait! This will be Zander's first camping trip, and i am nervous yet excited to see if he is going to like it. unfortunately it is supposed to rain on a couple days that we go, but i hope the rain can hold out for most of the days. then when we get back we only have a few more days and then it will be Zander's bday & the 4th of July all on the same day. Wow that's alot going on and i still haven't finished w/ my kitchen.... oh yeah- thats another thing we are almost done with remodeling the kitchen, we have a few things left. we have to finish the trim, put the hardware on the doors and paint the dining room walls----- and then down the road i would like to get some curtains for the 2 windows in the kitchen and also something for the walls. and a nice plant stand would be great --- oh yeah, a new garbage can (maybe the wooden ones) then my kitchen would look great---(EXCEPT FOR THE REFRIDGERATOR) that is a whole other story---- lets just say that it didnt fit properly in the spot that it was designed togo in, so we had to put it in another area and it doesn't go well in that spot, but it will do for now until we can fix it and remodel a new area. welll i am going to go finish pakcing for my trip and then go to bed and relax. bye, bye!

STRESSING

So I have been watching a handful of children these past couple weeks and i think it has come to an end. I still have the 2 boys that are PT 2x's a week, but I am also watching a 19month old & her 9 week old brother. I also have occasionally watched this little 1yr old boy. Some days are light on kids and others i have had all of them at once. Now i first wanted to only take 2 kids, FT, between ages 1- 4.... and somehow i ended up at this point. Everything about it is so wrong. I shouldn't have this many at one time and i also shouldnt have more then 2 kids under the age of 2 years old. My son isn't even 2 yet- so that mean i should only take 1 more little kid. The 2 boys are fine to have- they are old enough to take care of them self (no diapers, feed themself...) and then there is the others.............
well the little 1yr old, his parents haven't got a clue--- they bounce back & forth to different jobs and this little boys schedule changes all the time... not only that- i have told them over and over again-"i need your schedule 1 full week in advance!" and yet they call me at last minutes notice and some times they will say he is coming one day and then never show up---- and then call and tell me he will be there the next day (a day that they didn't plan for)I think that itis time to get rid of this poor child- due to his parents stupidity.
Then i have the 2 kids; let me tell you... so a long time ago i was friends w/ the mother and we just lost contact w/ each other, well when she was coming back from maternity leave , she asked me to do her a favor and watch the kids until September. I felt guilty (because i was watching the other boys)and I told her yes. She is a great person, but unfortunately i do not beleive in her parenting skills. her litte daughter (the 19month old) is aweful--- she has this screch that will bust your ear drums and she ALWAYS wants her way. she will scream or whine if you even look at her the wrong way, or she throws a fit and yells "NO" until you end up giving in. She also has this thing about hitting when she can't get her way/ or slapping/ kicking.... now i have only had her for 2 weeks and i have seen all of this, she will ignore you when you are speaking to her and she hates to share anything. This type of behavior has afftected the entire household. Zander is miserable andis constinantly getting beat on. He doesn't sleep and i noticed that he started to hit. or if he can't get his way he used to get upset/ maybe cry or throw a tantrum (what i thought was a fit)- but the other day he completely flipped out - i have never seen that before and i know it is because he see's her do it. i will not hit or spank another child so the only thing i can do to her is explain to her why she shouldnt do what she is doing and put her in the play pen. I have seen the mother talk to her and try to correct her--- let me tell you, it sounds like she is trying to read her a story or something- she is so gentle and lets her just run all over the place and have her way- the girl doesn't listen and the mom just lets it go- she says if you ignore it then the kids will stop because they aren't getting the attention for doing something wrong....(yea, ok.. whatever!)i also have told her mother all of the things she is doing w/ me and she said that they have talked to her ( the daughter) about this----i'm sorry but what good does it do to talk to your 19month old about how bad she is---why don't you learn to discpline her when she is doing it----- i dont know, maybe have a stern voice when you scold her or even smack her on the bottom (i am not a beater, but sometimes i think a smack on a kids butt or hands may just work---- i never got beat, but i sure got spanked and i learned my lesson) and then theres the baby 9 weeks old--- i know he is just an infant, but he is cinstinantly crying--- he has the typical cry for food or dirty diaper and stuff like that, but he also cries because he wants to be held all the time. at first i thought nothing of it because i asked if he is held all the time and was told "no". but i soon found out that is not true--- he is always held and he sleeps with mom in her bed--- all night, she told me that if he cries at night, then noone will get sleep and they won't be able to work....but you are making it so much more worse for everyone else that has your child for 9 1/2 hours a day, 5 days a week! let your kid just cry and he will soon learn. this little guy is going to end up just like his sister. it is so hard to take care of an infant that always wants your attention and a crazy 2year old, plus my own child that wants to copy the crazy girl and the older kids.
i have been so stressed out over this that i can't sleep, and my virtigo has kicked in so bad, w/ tenson headaches constinantly. This has to change- i should just do what i originally said and only take 1-2 kids. Since i am keeping the 2 PT boys i only want 1 more child to watch... i'll even take one PT w/ set days. i am letting my emotions get in the way when i took on the kids and look where it got me... i wanted to help all these parents and they can'tr help me- so now i have to piss them off and tell them i cannot take their kids anymore.

on top of everything- i sprained my wrist or did something to it the other day and the orthepedic surgeon said that i should be taking any kids for the next 2 weeks- to let it heal. well that sucks.
but anyways----- there is my vent for today----my head just wont stop hurting, hopefully in the next few days i will relax with NO kids!

hey-- did everyone check out my scrapblog website... look at the blog that i wrote prior to this and it is on that!

family picture!

Relay For Life

Wow- Amazing, so last night I went to the Relay for Life event in Green Island. I did not stay the entire night but i left around 10pm---after the luminaries. OMG--- that was amazing... it was so emotional, i could not stop crying. when they started to put the bags around the track to prepare for the lighting, i was walking the track with Alexzander and so him and i started to read each bag---- as we were walking they asked for everyone to clear the track and only have the "caregivers" take 1 lap around--- these are the forgotten ones when some one is going through this tragedy---these are the people who help you get through. Zander & i respected them enough to step aside and wait until they took that lap and we honored them----as we finished our 1st lap around w/ the bags out- i just broke down, it was so sad and heartbreaking to read what some people had wrote on there bags. i saw the ones that we made in honor of my mother and a few others in our life... that is when i completely lost it-----WOW
then later on when it started to get dark- they put lights in the bags and they had all the survivors surround the track--- a torch was lit and each individual survivor walked it to another (it was completely quiet and very slow and soothing music was playing) i watched as the torch was passed from one to the next and i cried the entire time. this is to honor all the ones who have passed on from cancer and for those who have survived it. my cousin Fred was one of the survivors on the track. let me just tell you---- i am still emotional about it, just writing this i am crying all over again. i love raising $$ for a great cause, and i would love to participate in walks and events--- but this one took a little piece of my emotions and brought it to the surface. I don't know if i can do it again (maybe it get easier as the years go by), i would defiantly raise funds again, but i may just stay home the next time or maybe not.

Maybe i still need grieving time for my mother, I'm not sure. i thought i was almost prepared for her death---we saw it coming (i know, you're never 100% prepared for someone to die) but, i handled it very well. i don't remember crying to much, but the more that i think about things, and different events happen in my life the past year---- the more i start to cry and when i do i think of my mother. maybe this is my way of grieving for her and also giving back----besides she keeps popping up in my dreams at night (it's kinda creepy)
anyways, after the luminaries i hung out for a bit longer and walked the track some and then i decided it was time to head home. my cousin Melissa and her friends were kind enough to walk me to my car- as i was driving away it was very quiet for me and i had a few moments to just sit back and take it all in. that was so healing for me and i wish that my brothers and sister were there. i think that it would have been good for them also.
Well all i know is that I have already raised $100 for American Cancer Soiety and I would still ike to raise more for the year- I have until Aug 31st to get more funds in there- and then i will start again for next year. This is the site you can go to if you would like to donate---- http://main.acsevents.org/goto/hhayden

Thanks!

CHILDREN?

So obviously Gordo does not and most likely will never read my blog--- he thinks that it is stupid to have one. i rave so much about him and how good he is and then he make me feel like crap by telling me that my thoughts are "stupid"
I tell you, sometimes MEN are the STUPID ones. This is a good way for me just to release what ever i have to say--- kind of like having a diary when we were kids--- just that it's not locked away.
So Alexzander is going to be 2 very soon and i would love to have another child. I have actually been pushing Gordo to try for another one since last August--- I really do not want Zander to be an only child and i dont want to have them too many years apart either.... i am not staying home all the time to raise children. I watched my mother do that and that is not for me. I would love to have kids close together- so they will grow up as friends and they cn also leave the house with in only a few years apart. I love that i am taking on some kids right now to babysit for. I am making some money and i also get to play with them and teach them. my neighbor is due anyday now for her 1st and i am excited. maybe it will help and i'll get a baby fix. even so- i still want to have another by the time Zander is 3- 3 1/2 years old- that give me about 6 - 9 months to plan a pregnancy and then i will also have the entire pregnancy before a new child is here. i really dont know why gordo is such an ass about this---- he has giving me a milliion and one excuses and none of them add up to a good one. he says we don't have the room, or the money (please-- does anyone ever have the money for an extra child--- you make it work!) he also says he is scared of the NICU again and my health, he is afriad that Alexzander will be upset (of course he will--- he is the only child right now-SPOILED)but before we married he knew that i wanted more then one child and he said he did too-- so i sure as hell hope he wasn't just saying that. i love my family that i have now, but i am ready for it to grow.

KITCHEN GOAL!

So i went & ordered the cabinets from my brother- he made up a new floor plan and it looked great- but i need a special order counter top- so i went over to lowes to see what it would cost for a s/o and for the hell of it i had them priceout the floor plan of cabinets-WOW, it wasn't cheap--- and my brother was saving me alot more money. So i decides to go with those cabinets instead. they should be in about the w/o the 9th of June- so hopefully my kitchen will be done by Zanders bday. This is a computerized picture of what it could possibly look like.
I do plan on having a 4th of july party/ bday party again- this year it wont be as big or as long. we are probably going to start it around 230/ 3pm til about 6/ 630pm. just enough to have dinner and some fun. i hope that it is nice out- last year was pouring rain........all day. we still had a great turn out, but the rain put a damper on the day. so that is my biggest goal right now- to completely finish the kitchen before July 4th.

Busy, Busy.....

WOW
I have had a lot going on. I just finished my NEW dining room floor- it looks great! I need to still get the trim for the walls and the transition molding but the floor is done and beautiful. I also need to put up the new ceiling and fix the wall and then that room is done. My next big project is my kitchen. All i need is new cabinets and a counter top- i also want a dishwasher/ sink and faucet to match---- i have a budget and i also asked my brother to help lay out a floor plan and possibly help if he could get stuff cheaper- but that seems to be taking for ever- i started this back in Feb 2008- and i still havent ordered cabinets (you'd think that I'd atleast have those ordered- because we took time off in June to get this done.) Now I'm not saying it has to be finished in June but i would like to atleast have the ceiling up and the old kitchen ripped out by June and starting to put the new stuff in. If I have the products ... why can't it all go in? I seriously think i should just go over to Lowes or Home Depot and look at their cabinets & stuff. I like most of the floor plan that my brother came up with- it makes sense for my small little kitchen- i just would like to move the stove in a different spot- so I think i'll use the plan he gave me with theat small little move of the stove, and bring it to the store. I know what style of cabinet I'm looking for and color- so why shouldn't i just go get a price quote. On the other hand i really am scared to because i don't want to piss off my brother. I asked him for help, and he is giving me some-----just very slow at doing it and i dont have the time to wait. So that is my next project with a small twist.
Gordo & I also want to get our BIG flat screen TV.... but i think that we need to wait a couple more months- so that we can finish the kitchen 1st and then spend $ on the tv--- we can't wait!
I also am trying to take on some kids for daycare. I have 2 boys PT 2 days a week, but i would love to have atleast 1 FT kid. I have a friend who wants ne to take her 2 kids FT temporarly starting in June, but that is when i really want to bang out my kitchen so i hope that she is willing to work with us on days off. I mayonly have her kids for 1 month or 4 months.... not exactly sure. it depends on when her oringinal daycare can start taking kids again. But if i take her kids and also have the boys PT, then i am full and when they all leave- i will have noone and will have to start all over again, and that means no income until i get a child again---- that is what i am scared of. we'll have to see how it works out.
so that's what i have been doing lately and I am also trying to pump up my Pampered Chef business.
I would love to just hold 2 shows a month, and maybe recruit 1 or 2 people. It really is a great business and i have a lot of fun doing it- i think that others would love it- and you can get such a great income from it. an average show can give you approx: $100 in a commision check. Hopefully my small business can take off and i can sit back and enjoy it. Well i'll chat more soon!

Thanks!

I would just like to say "Thank You" to all that helped raise money for the March of Dimes. Today was the walk and it was cold! We had a good time though- Gordo, Zander and I were joined by our friends and family to walk 3 miles in the park at the Crossings of Colonie. It was about 45 degrees when we started and warmed up to about 58/60 degrees by the time that walk was over. Atleast it wasn't raining like last year. As a team we raised over $500 and you can still donate ---- Anyways.......... thank you to all!

MARCH OF DIMES- MARCH FOR BABIES!

Well, i have the rest of this week to push for more donations for the March for babies walk on Sunday the 27th. So far I have raised over $400, i put part of my money that i have raise under Gordo's donations page. Last year the team raised over $1000 total, i am hoping to atleast raise 1/2 that amount by Sundays walk. i still have a good amount of people that said they want to donate, but i haven't had a chance to see them, hopefully they will still put the money to a good cause.
So if anyone else would like to donate they can- all donations are still being excepted even after the walk.
The web address is
www.marchforbabies.org/h4barrel
well thanks for supporting us and helping save babies!

Stay at Home MOM

So i had to leave my job for good. the worst thing is that it had ahppened so suddenly, i really wanted to give atleast 2 weeks, but due to my unfortunate daycare problem, i did not have ANYONE to watch Zander for a 2 week period. so i tried to give them 2 weeks and work night and i guess they would rather go with out anyone then have some help until a replacement came in.... their loss.
so , because of my daycare issue- the other kids that go to her, now have no daycare too. i spoke to one of the mom's and she asked if i could take her kids, since i will be home and all.... they live right down the street from us and it would be PT/ 2 days a week. this would last until our daycare provider can take on children again- so i could have them for the entire summer.... that's fine with me- i could us the extra $$$$- i also have put some ads in craigslist to get a toddler FT- that way Zander has some one to play with and i can have some income.
well i hope tha it all falls into play and i can get some extra $ and still be with my peanut.

What a day!

UGH- today was one of those days at work. It was our Spring Fling and the company was providing lunch for us and prizes to welcome back spring time. so i thought it was going to be such a good day--- my job is very easy, and some days the work load is extremely light. But it's the people that i work with----- i swear that they all come from the same trailer park! thier may be 1 or 2 that are decent- but most of them have NO TEETH -or only a few, they are either real fat or crack head skinny---- there are days when i feel like the prettiest one, and the smartest. Today--- i was joking around with the only girl that i get along with and the one who sits next to me (toothless)- decided to join the conversation- well i guess after about 5 mins she didnt like what i had to say and was PISSED---too bad, she is the one who butted in, it's my opinion and she doesnt like it then just shut up- well she didnt do that- she flipped out- made a scene and stormed away. And guess who got into trouble..........yep... i did and so did the other girl that was talking with me. 1st of all no one should have been spoken to--- if any one it should have been the girl who made a scene- i didnt ask her to interupt my conversation and get mad at me. i pretty much have had it with work.

lately i have been thinking about just staying home and taking a child or 2 for daycare---- atleast until Zander is ready for school. it keeps crossing my mind and i dont know what keeps stopping me from doing it--- i dont know i'll guess we'll see what happens.

I am also trying to continue to do Pampered Chef, business was extremely slow in the winter, and i only have a couple shows for the spring, i would love to book a few more--- atleast 2/3 shows a month would be nice. the commision that i make off of Pampered Chef is so nice for extra bills. If i really wanted i should just put the $$ away and take a vacation with it.

If i held 2 or 3 shows per month and each show held an average in sales- i would take home about $250.00 to $300.00 for that month-- save up enough commision check for about 6 months and the family could go to disney world, and have spending cash. So if you know any one who would like to host a show and earn FREE products just let me know--- or check out my personal website---
www.pamperedchef.biz/holliehayden

well now that i have vented a little and i also informed people about TPC- hat more soon!

Party? & join the MOD walk the next day!

OK
so yesterday I began my blog, and i already received some feedback- thank you.
like i said before this blog is to help me---- NO i am not depressed (like some of you think)- not everyone who has a blog does it because they are depressed! i wanted to be able to express what i think and who i am without anyone judging me while i am writing----judge me all you want after the fact- but i will have already of said what has been on my mind. So depression has nothing to do with it.
Anyways-
so i am planning this party for Saturday April 26th @ 530--- my house- it is going to be a jewelry party. My cousin hand craft and make beautiful jewelry and i decided to host a show for them---- so i am hoping that everyone will come over. Check out the website--- www.thefamileejewels.com . I will also have drinks (alki & non alki) and of course i will make some food. Now this is not only a party to buy stuff (but i hope that you will!) it is also a party to go to and just have fun, hang out with friends and family and enjoy that fact that the summer is on its way!
I started it early in the evening because i will have Zander that night- he will be out w/ Gordo until about 730 and then they should be home, he'll probably want to go to bed around 830 or so---- that's enough time for us to eat / drink / and shop-- don't you think? well i am looking forward to it---- my only fear is that no one will show up, and i have seen it happen.
I also the have to get up and do the March of Dimes walk the very next morning- that will wake me up! so far i have raised about $235 and gordo has about $50 for the entire team. last year our team raised over $1100- my niece was a member of the team and let me tell you---- she helped out big time- she went out and spread the word to her work and friends and they all decided to donate- it was great- she helped raise at least 1/3 or that total- i also had alot more of my close family / friends donating & walking, i hope that they at least join us when the time comes. if not i completely understand, but there is no hurt in asking!
This walk is important to me because of my peanut- even though the March of Dimes did not help us financially while he was in the NICU- they did help emotionally---- they have an office in the NICU, and they would give you things to keep your mind occupied- instead of always thinking of the worst- they gave me a cute little calender and all types of stickers to put on it for everyday that your little one is in the NICU, and the stickers are specially made for the patients--- it was really nice of them (i put the calender in his scrapbook) they also went around with a professional photographer and picked certain parents and children to snap photos of- we were lucky enough to have that done.One of the pictures is on the front page of the blog! But not only did they do that just for us - but they help so many others. If it wasn't for them then certain hospital wouldn't have the technology to save these babies- they help fund hospitals to get equipment; and the doctors & nurses are learning new way to help improve the chances of life. MOD also helps pregnant women throughout their 9 months- they want ALL WOMEN to make it a full 9 months along and to be healthy & have healthy children. I think that it is a wonderful charity and i will continually support it!


well that's all i have for right now- maybe I'll write a bit more later!

I can start from the beginning:

I had a GREAT childhood- I wouldn't change it even if I had to, and well I will always regret not attending college immediately after HS. I waited a year and at the time I thought I knew what kind of career I wanted. After 2 years of school and a basic Liberal Arts Degree- I bounced around from job to job- I also had the worst relationship in my life and thank god that ended. About 6 months after I graduated from HVCC I met my husband (gordo)- I wasn't even looking- he just appeared out of nowhere and we began to date. Our relationship started out small & grew so big. My roommate and I were living together, having the time of our lives- working and partying---- it was great, well, then Gordo moved in with us- that lasted about 7 months and then him and I got our own place. he is so good to me, with in the years that we have been together, I have still bounced around, not knowing what I wanted to do with my life. I then decided to go back to school, I thought that teaching was calling me, and because I have such a great guy- I quit my FT job and went to SCCC. 1 year after attending I decided that teaching was not for me and I just wanted to do what I loved----and my stress reliever is cooking---- so I went into the Culinary Program. While I was still in school I was happily married to my best friend.

He understands me! But not much later I was pregnant and I still had to finish school- thankfully I was going to graduate before the baby was due--- and that is what happened- I walked (actually wobbled) across the stage at Proctors Theater and received my Culinary Arts degree w/ honors. I worked my butt off to get HONORS- yet I didn’t want to be in the restaurant business. All I felt is everyone pushing me in that direction, and they have no idea what I was/am thinking. Well, thing all changed only a couple months later when my son (Zander) was born 11 weeks early. My entire world changed- I didn’t know if my son was going to live or die on a day to day basis. As the weeks went by he got bigger and healthier, and 70 days later we got take him home. My head was in such a fog when he was born, I just pushed gordo away and spent most of my time worrying about my son and myself.. Once the baby was home, I worked PT and Gordo went back to work FT and I did everything I could just to be able to take care of the baby. I knew that something was going on with me--- I seriously thought that I was dying. I went to see doctor after doctor to find out what was going on and at first they were clueless, but then I was diagnosed with Vertigo (but what is causing it?) the doctors kept telling me anything could cause it and they would just give me meclizine( which never worked)- Gordo was doing his best, by working and being a good dad, but our relationship slowly started to fade away. Not that long ago we decided to purchase a home and hopefully get our life back on track. Unfortunately that was and is not the outcome. The Vertigo was taken over my life. I quit my job of 3 years because I physically couldn’t do it anymore and not 1 of the 4 doctors that I was seeing would take me out of work- so I had to quit and try to find something PT, near home. I finally had enough and tried to figure what would trigger my vertigo. I realized that during the time when I was in the hospital for the baby I had hurt my right side of the neck and shoulder... and it still constantly hurt- so I went to a Chiropractor- what ever he did made me feel great- but it didn’t last for long. So I also tried a Physical therapist----- BINGO- I have an injury and it needs to be corrected. so now that I know what is wrong with me I am now trying to learn how to live with it so I can get back to normal---- and back to work. All these doctors appts and stuff have taking a huge financial toll on my life- not just paying for them but also in regards to my career. I can not do any major labor work- so pretty much rules out ANY restaurant business- (lifting is completely out of the question.) But not only has this crap taking a financial toll it has giving me mental strain and emotional roller coaster in my relationship. My husband has stuck by me thru it all and now that we know what I need to do to take care of myself- he is supporting me and I feel closer to him everyday- he understands why I am having a bad day and how much pain I am in. (I would never wish this upon anyone!)If it were up to me I would take every bit of knowledge that i have and put it to use---- FOOD CRITIC- that is the perfect job. I have a full background for that career. I could be around the food, I enjoy talking and love to write what I want to say, and I could still be at home with my little guy. Unfortunatley I feel as if that thought ( which i have had since i started SCCC) has become a fantacy- I don't know of any newapaper or magazine in upstate NY that would take on me-they already have someone to do that work----so........... Let me tell you- as my neighbor says- "when it rains on us--- it pours!"

But, I also have had a lot of good too, outside of my problems I have a wonderful little boy that is growing, learning and loving everyday . We have been blessed to have such a good little boy (I know that if we have another child we are in some BIG trouble.) Zander is one of a kind- even though he was 11 weeks early he has caught up and passed his physical appearance, and developmentally he is right at his age. Doctors say that premature children are usually behind 1 year per month early- so then Zander wouldn’t be developmentally up to date until he was almost 3 years old and yet he is so far advanced for his age now. (maybe I just have an extremely intelligent child!) I also have a wonderful husband -as I have been saying thru the blog- but we are so perfect for each other. He takes care of me as much as I would take care of him (or almost as much.) And then I have a home, not just a house--- it is my home. I have great neighbors, they are very thoughtful and caring and we couldn’t have asked for better. We like the area that we are in and our house is nice, small , and cozy- it could be a tad bigger--- but we can fix it up to my taste!
All these things going on in my life and yet I still feel there is something missing --------------------
I have tried to start giving back, last year I became involved with the March of Dimes- and raised $$$ & walked for them- I am doing the same this year (maybe I’ll do it every year) - if you want more info take a look at the website- www.marchforbabies.org/h4barrel
This year I also signed up to do the Relay for Life - American Cancer Society. My mom passed away in the summer from cancer and it was an awful sight, people shouldn’t have to deal with that- I would love to help fight it and find a cure. You can check that website out also- www.main.acsevents.org/goto/hhayden
I hope that this is a start - for my own sake and I will always try to do the right thing to make me a happier person along with people in my life. Even if it means giving!

Welcome

To all of you who read this:
I just want you to know that I started a blog to help me. In the past couple years my life has been flipped upside down and right back over again and I feel as if I am just not my self any more. Anyone who knows me knows that I love to talk... and sometimes I ramble. So that is what I am going to be doing in my blog. I will talk about my everyday life, family and just the little things that may be bothering. My blog may be filled with laughs, tears or even anger. The one thing that I can tell you- is that they will not be properly typed- I do not always use the caps lock button and sometimes i forget how to spell- so please don't judge me on my typing skills. AND PLEASE ALWAYS REMEMBER---- this is my blog and it will have my opinions on it- so if you disagree please inform me and we can discuss it- but I will not hold an argument about it. I chose to do a blog to help me and hopefully make me feel better, and anyone who would rather knock me down, should just stay away.
I have tried to weed out the good people from the bad people in my life. I know that I will always have some sort of problem going on, everyone will- I just am trying to make my life less stressful.
So hopefully you will enjoy reading at times and you are more then welcomed to comment. talk to everyone real soon

-hollie