VACATION ALONE?

So I am taking a vacation without my husband or child. My friend's parents live in Key West and she mentioned going down to visit them and invited me along again...(i went down with her a few years ago before I was married- we had a blast)So i have decided that I am going to go with her in March to Key West for about 4 or 5 days. I am very excited and yet scared at the same time. This will be the first time that I have not been around Zander for more then 1 1/2 days. He has spent the night at my sister's house - but this time I won't even be in the same state. Gordo is going to take some time off so that he will be home w/ Zander while I am away. I know that Gordo is upset about it- he doesnt want to tell me but i can sense it- he knows that it cost money to do things- like vacation ---and that is something that we dont have to much of right now, but he isnt going to say anything to me because he knows that I really need some sort of break and he always tells me to go with my friends. But he also has been wanting to take a vacation himself- and yet he doesnt know where or when or anything. I have been trying to plan something for us to go on- but it has been tough when you dont know what the other wants. Usually at the end of January him & his buddies all go to Mad River Glen to ski- sometimes they go for a day or 2. I know his 1 friend mentioned something about staying at his place that he has on Gore Mountain for one night in the next few weeks - so they can all drink it up and go skiing for a couple days (boys night!)I hope this happens- it will give him some time away so he can relax-- I would completely understand!
So for now i am only going to worry about my "much needed" vacation. The sad thing is---I am also not ready for the sun- i need to lose about 8 million pounds and I need a tan. I dont even have clothes that will look good on me for the sun---I guess I need to do some of shopping before I go. Well I'm sure that I will be talking about this vacation for the next few postings---so hope you keep following......

What is my Path?

So - do you ever wonder what life would have been like if you chose the other options....? I have tried to understand why my life is the way it is today- and I have tried to clearify why it has gone down this path.... but the more I drill those excuses into my head- the more pissed off I become. I don't know where or what I would change...would it be my career path that I decided to take or should I say NOT TAKE? Should I have done something differently with myself when i got out of highschool (instead of worrying about my love life) maybe it was after I graduated with my Liberal Arts degree, I should have went on to another school and got a higher degree in some field that i would be interested in. then i think what if I chose to be all about MYSELF, and stoped always caring about the "other people"- maybe things would be different. But what about my husband--do I regret meeting him? NO- I love him to death - but I wish that part of our relationship would have been different (but that also involves what I would have like to do w/ my life)...then there is my son-I WOULD NEVER GIVE HIM UP. I wish I could do his way of birth but I wouldn't wish him differently.
You know- i left my job a few years ago because I knew i was going absolutley no where--- i decided to go back to school and do something- anything...when i first went back i was in the education program, and i just changed to the culinary program because i would have rathered of enjoyed a career then just dealt with one. So now here i sit, with 2 degree's and no job in any field. I take care of my child and others and I just don't like doing that. As I have said in alot of my other postings...I would never want to do childcare FT as a career---and that is what i have become---it makes me fucking miserable! & because I am miserable everything in my life becomes that way------------ My husband & I pretty much just live together and are zombies to each other and that isnt the life that i want....

i really dont care if you are thinking right now..." she is crying poor mouth" or "feeling pity for me" - This is just they way i think and feel- for everyone that tries to cheer me up- i really do appreciate that.

I started to look at life so differently when Zander was born, and i realized that i have alot to appreciate...I have my family, husband, and now a beautiful child.. i have a home to live in, a car to drive an i have food to eat every day- all day. I am VERY STABLE (on the outside)---but what about emotionally...am i stable? am i happy? NOT ALWAYS. I need to rethink my life and the things that i have- maybe i need to clean house and get rid of some stuff and maybe do something different. (everytime i think about doing that something always seems to get in my way or someone stops me)

MAYBE I JUST NEED A VACATION! AWAY FROM EVERY ONE AND EVERYTHING----obviously that doesnt make the problem go away but it helps relax me.... either I do something like that or I'll just end up doing something nobody wants me to do!-(that could be anything)