A Job?!

Hi to all- just wanted to chit chat alittle bit about this job that kind of fell into my lap. i always start the begining of my thought- so here goes.....
So Zander starts preschool on March 2nd and I also don't have my ft kids anymore- so Gordo & I thought i should start to look for a job (i know the economy sucks right now---but looking can't kill ya!) i figured that once Zander started school and got into a routine i would go out there and begin my search. Well over the weekend a particular job was brought to my attention and i decided to check into it on Monday morning. I just wanted to see what it was about (job description)and the hours and ft/pt? and pay rate....all that sort of stuff. I called about it and was actually asked to come in and sit down with them to discuss more. I went to the interview and realized that i was very interested in this postion. BUT- I have alot to get situated before hand. first of all Zander doesnt have daycare- i would need to find that. I also needed to try to get his school transportation taking care of, and I have appoinments and stuff that would get in the way of a work day---- i also would have to work some weekends---and that may be tough on finding daycare for Saturdays-but i think i could handle it. So after i got home from the interview i started making calls to get daycare in order and that sort of stuff. Beleive it or not- it has been less then 24 hrs and i think i got it all in order- but i feel so unprofessional. i feel aweful when i had to tell the boss that i have preplanned days that i NEED off. it just makes you look bad from the begining, i will try to rearrange my schudle as best as i could but there are just some days that i cant change. i have a HUGE Dr's evaluation appt for Zander- it took us 7 months to get (so i am not changing that date) and we planned our vacation(which i paid for in full- yay!)- so i called and we went over mostly everything and then i had to talk about these particular days and i just felt like an idiot- i hope they dont think i am always wanting days off- it seriously is just the timing right now. I mean the whole reason we are taking a good vacation this year is because we haven't had a vaca in a few years---i usually dont request that much time off.
I orginally wasn't going to look for a job until probably April or May, but like i said- this just kind of fell into my lap. and with everything going on- the timing sucks- but i really dont want to lose this oppurtunity- so i am hoping i can just get past these next few weeks and then they will realize how good of a worker i can be...i mean god- i just busted my ass trying to get this to work out for me, hopefully that should say something!
So- all in all, i am now waiting on a phone call to set up a time to meet w/Linda (i think she's the VP) and then we go from there. I am just really hoping that i just didn't go through all this just to find out that she doesnt think that i am the right person for the job. :( i would be heart broken. Hopefully - it goes smoothly!!! I'll keep you informed.

p.s. i will also inform everyone on how Zander's 1st days at school are---we are so excited! :)

my past few days- Happy Valentine's day !!!

So this weekend we went out and did some shopping. We bought a snowblower--boy do we need one. we also looked for a new TV---who would of thought that getting a tv would have been so hard. I went to 6 different stores and i found the TV that i liked at everyone- but for some stupid reason they all were sold out of it. actually they were sold out of all of the sizes i was looking at--- all we wanted was a 40 or 42" lcd flatscreen. finally i was just about to give up looking for the day and then we decided on the one in our living room. now we have to wait until the cable guy comes on wednesday afternoon. we need a new cable cord put in against the wall that the TV is going. that was a pain just to buy a tv- usually i thought you could just go to the store- say "this is the one" , purchase it and then take it home---not in my case!

Alexzander is just too CUTE!
Anyways---so we decided on the preschool for Zander... it took alittle bit of a decision, but we had to pin point every little detail that best fit ours & Zanders life. We are working on the paperwork and he will hopefully start in March. He will be going into the toddler group 1st, and then the preschool class in Sept. I hope that this works for him! he will be going 3 days a week for over 2 hrs a day. Now I have to write some nice "Thank You " note to the others that we looked at- we appreciate the tours and it is just appropriate to say thanks to them.

This picture was taking for Gordo Valentine's Day card that Zander & I made for him---Zander is such a ham!

So my next big thing---i've been having my migraines alot lately---actually atleast 2-3 a DAY! I have an appointment with my neuroligist this Friday, i hope that he can help me out. it kind of scares me because this just out of the blue began to happen.... i have pills to take for a tension headache, but i've been taking them alot and i dont like doing that. Maybe it's the stress or something- but there has got to be a solution- so wish me luck and i hope it's controlable!

Preschools!?

So things are looking bright. Gordo & I went to visit some schools and we found 2 of them that we loved...so we now have to really sit down and decided which one works best for Zander and us. But--- oh--- they are great! Alexzander will learn so much from them and he will be so prepared for kinderagrten when the time comes. I was watching all these kids and to hear some of their situations and then see what they are like now---it was so rewarding to just know that Zander will improve on his delayments... hopefully we can get him to start talking in full sentences and get the motorskills and emotional issues under control and he'll be caught right up. Even though he receives services at home it just doesnt seem to be the same. I think that he needs to be at these school- so he can interact with other peers and play and learn, at home he doesn't have that. We are so excited to have him start and hopefully soon. The past few weeks have been absolutely heart breaking for me as a parent and I am hoping that things will start to look up. I am trying to think very postive and look at all the good i can get from this experience--but i know i will always have my bad days---i just hope Zanders are always just good days.

Important--- Zander/ MOD & me

So as you know it is that time of year again---March of Dimes fundraising...this year I am pushing it--- since I joined up for FaceBook, I can hit up all the people on my friends list and hopefully get some donations and/or a bunch of new walkers for my team. I want to spread the word... it is very important to me. last I knew- I have a 50% chance of this happening again and having another premature child. So i will keep doing what I can to stop that in everyway. I posted a "note" on FB and tagged a bunch of people, I am hoping that they will all become involved in one way or another. This is the note that was posted:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi guys, I was just sending you alittle note to ask you if you would like to walk with us in April for the March for Babies. The walk takes place at The Crossings in Colonie on April 26th (it's a Sunday) @ 10 am. they will walk rain or shine. It is for about 3 miles all through the park grounds. they have a huge playground for the kids to play on after the walk and offer refreshment and a small picnic afterwards.

I am recruiting people to join my team Alexzander the Great and help raise funds for the March of Dimes. As you know I have done this for the past few years and i have had a great success at raising funds, but I really would like to also have a great team, (they have been real small). You are all welcomed to come--even those little kiddies of yours and enjoy a morning/ afternoon of fun and sharing the love for the cause.
In the past it has rained and also has been beautiful- so please dress for the weather. It is in the morning so it will probably be somewhat cold - but after a nice walk- it will warm up closer to the afternoon. The walk takes about 1hr 45 min- 2 hrs. I would love to have all the team meet up before hand and say alittle something to you all and maybe get a group picture... i may have some prizes for those who raise the most $$ and stuff like that...have some fun with this.I am also thinking about making up tshirts for the entire team - to show that you are supporting the March for Babies and Team AlexzanderThe Great! Also if the day turns out to be BEAUTIFUL- i would like to have a picnic at my house or something like that to say thank you for all your supports and efforts. these are just some of the things that I am thinking about doing for that day.

If you are at all interested in joining the team or even if you dont want to walk but want to help raise funds, please sign up through my website... or if you would just rather donate you can do that also. Just thought I would put the offer out there to all of you and see what the out come will be. Love you all!
-Hollie
www.marchforbabies.org/h4barrel
or
www.marchforbabies.org/phillygordo
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hopefully it gets the message out!


Also, if you have been following my blog- you are now aware that I am having a hard time at home. Life has gotten stressful...you would think that because it all pertains to my son - he'd be the one stressing or having the problem, and that's not the case. He is still the happy lil boy we all know and love---with alot of issues. I, on the other hand have issues. Also... this week we have appointments to check out different preschools that Zander can attend. He can go to these schools and interact with children and get the attention that he needs and have the teachers help him with his speaking and get his OT. I am going to one place on Monday and then Gordo & I are checking out two others on Tuesday. I have called around & researched about 6/7 different preschools and there are only 3 that I am interested in. Not only do I want to find a decent preschool, but I am also looking for them place to have a daycare (incase I decide to go back to a day job---continue reading and you'll see why i brought this up,) and they also have to have live up to certain standards that i want for Zander. Some of the places I contacted couldn't or wouldn't even tell me what they had to completely offer us or even answer all my questions---or they were just straight out rude...& that is why I will not put my son there. If that is how they treat the parent I can just imagine what they could do to the children. Yes, i know that they are well supervised- but it's just the point--what will the actions be if something happened w/ my child---I got the first wrong/ bad impression...so I just wont risk it! But I am hoping that I just fall in love with one of these 3 places and then we can get Zander started soon- he will first start going for just 2 to 3 day, and it will only be a few hours per day...then it can increase to more days (5), up to 4 hrs a day; and if they have a daycare (or they call it "wrap around program")he will be able to go for the entire day. If he wasn't in his class and in the daycare- yet had an issue and needed some help, there will be these people in the building and they will be there for him--this is so what he needs.
Gordo & I are slowly learning about all this stuff- and it is helping. Because we want Zander to "catch up" and do his best we are willing to do anything to help him, but it put alot of stress on us regarding our finacial matters---how can we afford our normal life and everything for him? But right now we are finding out that the State/ County has programs for children and they will offer help. It is not a program that is based on your salary- it is offered to ALL children in NYS. If they are under the age 3 it is under Early Intervention and at the age of 3yrs old the school district that you live in will take over. This helps ALOT for us- it takes a huge burden off our shoulders. That is why wer are looking at stuff this early - he is entitled to it and I think he will enjoy being with other children in a play atmosphere.
Which brings me to the next thing.... I have lost my FT kids that i've been watching. I have been having some problems w/ the oldest- he has an extreme emotional issue and is constantly crying. He is 3 1/2 yrs old and very intellegent, but all he wants to do when he is here is watch tv. If i turn it off he cries- if I put any demand on him he cries...and so on.... I have discussed this with his mother and it has been going on for almost 3 weeks- the parents and I have talked about it and the just think he needs to be with a group of kids- like a daycare. So- we have agreed to do what's best for the kids and I have them for 2 more weeks. :( It is very sad to me for many of reasons---some: i have growm attached to the kids and it will be sad to see them go. plus, they are my job- my paycheck! But i guess things happen for a reason... now i can put more of my time into Zander and get our life in order and see what is going on with him. So for now I will have Natalie (the other little girl I watch) she will come 1 day a week.
Hopefully I can go find some sort of pt job 2-3 nights a week until possibly the summer. I am taking a State test for a great postion. The test is in March---I hope I do well on it- it is a decent job and great pay. I dont see them hiring immediately (it's the State- nothing ever moves fast w/ them) the test is at the end of March and even if I do qualify- it probably wont happen until May or June at the earliest. Lets hope I get in - fingers crossed and say a prayer. If that happened- it would be so good, because I can get Zander into his school and then the wraparound program and both Gordo & I can work day shifts and it will just be great----wishful thinking! (hopefully becomes real thinking!)
Oh and another thing.... I booked our family vacation...I can't wait! I found this all inclusive resort in VT- so we can drive there (so much easier then flying w/ Zander.) They offer a day program for the kids. It has different age groups and stuff to do for the children all day long- they take them everyday from 8:30 am - 1:30pm and then again at 5:30pm - 8:30pm. That way the parents have some time to do Adult things and also to have dinner just as Adults. The kids program will provide all meals for the kids or you can have breakfast as a family and then have a picnic lunch too. It's a family resort so it offers stuff to do for everyone--- that is so what we need- for all of us. If this sounds like something you are interested in- let me know and I'll get you the info. The best thing (that I just found out- after we booked the trip)is that I was talking to Zander's speech therapist and told her where we were going- she highly recommened it and said that it would be great for Zander...plus she said that she has family that work there for the kids program (I guess her cousin is a school teacher and she works the kids program in the summer) - it was just comforting to know that there will be people there to help out Zander if there is an issue and we can't get to him immediatlely. I can not wait until June- that is when we are going. They offer 3/4 /5 & 7 day weeks. It's only a 7 day week for the peak season starting in mid Jun to first week of Sept-- we wanted to do less of a week so we could check it out first and see if it's something we will enjoy; so we booked before peak season for 4 days/ 3 nights. Everything is included (except alcohol- but you can bring your own or buy at the bar)...so we can eat all we want and play with all the water/land sports (kyaking/ paddle boating/ swimming/ biking/ tennis/ picnic/ playground....)and also enjoy alone and family time because daycare is included. if you want to go out after 8:30pm w/ out the kids you can hire a nanny for the evening- it your average cost per hour ($7-$10 pr hr)but i guess it is worth it just to get the entire evening out with some adults. Once again- I CAN'T WAIT!
Wow- i guess i have alot to say today...hope you had fun reading---keep following, I'm sure I will have alot more to say--mainly because I will have appts this week and I will keep you all updated about Zander ....

Avoiding

So I have been purposely avoiding my blog these past couple weeks. I would jump onto the page to write something and then when i thought of what i wanted to say- it either would just become to long or to complicated to follow. I have had so much different and heart wrenching things going on lately, I can't even think of how to put it in words.
Well today I am going to start with---my vacation to Key West has been cancelled. I am very ticked about it. Gordo needed to get the week off from work - this way we would have a babysitter for Zander and I could go away... and on Friday the Post Office denied his request and told him to pick a different week. I am really starting to hate the PO- so many things that they get away with over their employees. So now i cant even go away for a few days. If they deny his other weeks we want off- i think i will go "postal"

next thing on the list is about Zander:
Zander has been evaluated by a bunch of different dr's and therapist for EI (early intervention)- he has a few delays and is getting services now to help him. it's better to get him the help now while he is young then to wait until it's to late. Well -- this has been going on for a couple months now - the teachers come to our home...it is so draining as a parent... it's so hard to hear what they have to say about your child and if he needs more help. i am to the point where i cant even hear one more thing about Zander - i think i will just blow up. Every parent wants to think that their child is perfect and nothing could ever be wrong with them- but i guess when you hear something like that you learn to deal with it----but after awhile it gets harder and harder when you just keep hearing it over & over and it's not just one thing anymore, it has become multiple delays. As a mom- i feel the guilt. He was in my body that rejected him and made him come out 3 months to soon---it was me that should have protected him from everything---and because he was a premiee this is the possibilities that he will always have to deal with for the rest of his life. i just want my child to be happy and enjoy his life and learn and play with others---but when there are things that get in the way from a child doing that- a parent takes the toll. I will take all the negative energy that is ever pushed on my son and absorb it- but in the end it is going to kill me. ---maybe i'm the one that needs the help. But i will never let my happy, fun loving little peanut think that he is ever any different or "delayed". People keep telling me that he'll catch up and everything will be ok- well until i see it--it's just real hard. I only wish it was one thing that he was delayed in- but everytime i get him checked it's like i hear more bad news.... i thought it was an extremely tough time when he was first born and we were dealing with the NICU day by day- but this shit is just as hard.... ongoing and frusterating. This is why i have not been writing in my blog--and I am not writing anymore about it for now- i am getting to upset.

3rd- I have just been very busy with my normal life- i am trying to finish our taxes and hopefully get a HUGE refund back. we would love to take a family vacation- i have looked into a few different places..we'll see if we get the dates we want off and then i can decided what wer are doing...fingers crossed. well sorry for venting- but i gotta do it somewhere and my blog never vents back!