Avoiding

So I have been purposely avoiding my blog these past couple weeks. I would jump onto the page to write something and then when i thought of what i wanted to say- it either would just become to long or to complicated to follow. I have had so much different and heart wrenching things going on lately, I can't even think of how to put it in words.
Well today I am going to start with---my vacation to Key West has been cancelled. I am very ticked about it. Gordo needed to get the week off from work - this way we would have a babysitter for Zander and I could go away... and on Friday the Post Office denied his request and told him to pick a different week. I am really starting to hate the PO- so many things that they get away with over their employees. So now i cant even go away for a few days. If they deny his other weeks we want off- i think i will go "postal"

next thing on the list is about Zander:
Zander has been evaluated by a bunch of different dr's and therapist for EI (early intervention)- he has a few delays and is getting services now to help him. it's better to get him the help now while he is young then to wait until it's to late. Well -- this has been going on for a couple months now - the teachers come to our home...it is so draining as a parent... it's so hard to hear what they have to say about your child and if he needs more help. i am to the point where i cant even hear one more thing about Zander - i think i will just blow up. Every parent wants to think that their child is perfect and nothing could ever be wrong with them- but i guess when you hear something like that you learn to deal with it----but after awhile it gets harder and harder when you just keep hearing it over & over and it's not just one thing anymore, it has become multiple delays. As a mom- i feel the guilt. He was in my body that rejected him and made him come out 3 months to soon---it was me that should have protected him from everything---and because he was a premiee this is the possibilities that he will always have to deal with for the rest of his life. i just want my child to be happy and enjoy his life and learn and play with others---but when there are things that get in the way from a child doing that- a parent takes the toll. I will take all the negative energy that is ever pushed on my son and absorb it- but in the end it is going to kill me. ---maybe i'm the one that needs the help. But i will never let my happy, fun loving little peanut think that he is ever any different or "delayed". People keep telling me that he'll catch up and everything will be ok- well until i see it--it's just real hard. I only wish it was one thing that he was delayed in- but everytime i get him checked it's like i hear more bad news.... i thought it was an extremely tough time when he was first born and we were dealing with the NICU day by day- but this shit is just as hard.... ongoing and frusterating. This is why i have not been writing in my blog--and I am not writing anymore about it for now- i am getting to upset.

3rd- I have just been very busy with my normal life- i am trying to finish our taxes and hopefully get a HUGE refund back. we would love to take a family vacation- i have looked into a few different places..we'll see if we get the dates we want off and then i can decided what wer are doing...fingers crossed. well sorry for venting- but i gotta do it somewhere and my blog never vents back!