I can start from the beginning:

I had a GREAT childhood- I wouldn't change it even if I had to, and well I will always regret not attending college immediately after HS. I waited a year and at the time I thought I knew what kind of career I wanted. After 2 years of school and a basic Liberal Arts Degree- I bounced around from job to job- I also had the worst relationship in my life and thank god that ended. About 6 months after I graduated from HVCC I met my husband (gordo)- I wasn't even looking- he just appeared out of nowhere and we began to date. Our relationship started out small & grew so big. My roommate and I were living together, having the time of our lives- working and partying---- it was great, well, then Gordo moved in with us- that lasted about 7 months and then him and I got our own place. he is so good to me, with in the years that we have been together, I have still bounced around, not knowing what I wanted to do with my life. I then decided to go back to school, I thought that teaching was calling me, and because I have such a great guy- I quit my FT job and went to SCCC. 1 year after attending I decided that teaching was not for me and I just wanted to do what I loved----and my stress reliever is cooking---- so I went into the Culinary Program. While I was still in school I was happily married to my best friend.

He understands me! But not much later I was pregnant and I still had to finish school- thankfully I was going to graduate before the baby was due--- and that is what happened- I walked (actually wobbled) across the stage at Proctors Theater and received my Culinary Arts degree w/ honors. I worked my butt off to get HONORS- yet I didn’t want to be in the restaurant business. All I felt is everyone pushing me in that direction, and they have no idea what I was/am thinking. Well, thing all changed only a couple months later when my son (Zander) was born 11 weeks early. My entire world changed- I didn’t know if my son was going to live or die on a day to day basis. As the weeks went by he got bigger and healthier, and 70 days later we got take him home. My head was in such a fog when he was born, I just pushed gordo away and spent most of my time worrying about my son and myself.. Once the baby was home, I worked PT and Gordo went back to work FT and I did everything I could just to be able to take care of the baby. I knew that something was going on with me--- I seriously thought that I was dying. I went to see doctor after doctor to find out what was going on and at first they were clueless, but then I was diagnosed with Vertigo (but what is causing it?) the doctors kept telling me anything could cause it and they would just give me meclizine( which never worked)- Gordo was doing his best, by working and being a good dad, but our relationship slowly started to fade away. Not that long ago we decided to purchase a home and hopefully get our life back on track. Unfortunately that was and is not the outcome. The Vertigo was taken over my life. I quit my job of 3 years because I physically couldn’t do it anymore and not 1 of the 4 doctors that I was seeing would take me out of work- so I had to quit and try to find something PT, near home. I finally had enough and tried to figure what would trigger my vertigo. I realized that during the time when I was in the hospital for the baby I had hurt my right side of the neck and shoulder... and it still constantly hurt- so I went to a Chiropractor- what ever he did made me feel great- but it didn’t last for long. So I also tried a Physical therapist----- BINGO- I have an injury and it needs to be corrected. so now that I know what is wrong with me I am now trying to learn how to live with it so I can get back to normal---- and back to work. All these doctors appts and stuff have taking a huge financial toll on my life- not just paying for them but also in regards to my career. I can not do any major labor work- so pretty much rules out ANY restaurant business- (lifting is completely out of the question.) But not only has this crap taking a financial toll it has giving me mental strain and emotional roller coaster in my relationship. My husband has stuck by me thru it all and now that we know what I need to do to take care of myself- he is supporting me and I feel closer to him everyday- he understands why I am having a bad day and how much pain I am in. (I would never wish this upon anyone!)If it were up to me I would take every bit of knowledge that i have and put it to use---- FOOD CRITIC- that is the perfect job. I have a full background for that career. I could be around the food, I enjoy talking and love to write what I want to say, and I could still be at home with my little guy. Unfortunatley I feel as if that thought ( which i have had since i started SCCC) has become a fantacy- I don't know of any newapaper or magazine in upstate NY that would take on me-they already have someone to do that work----so........... Let me tell you- as my neighbor says- "when it rains on us--- it pours!"

But, I also have had a lot of good too, outside of my problems I have a wonderful little boy that is growing, learning and loving everyday . We have been blessed to have such a good little boy (I know that if we have another child we are in some BIG trouble.) Zander is one of a kind- even though he was 11 weeks early he has caught up and passed his physical appearance, and developmentally he is right at his age. Doctors say that premature children are usually behind 1 year per month early- so then Zander wouldn’t be developmentally up to date until he was almost 3 years old and yet he is so far advanced for his age now. (maybe I just have an extremely intelligent child!) I also have a wonderful husband -as I have been saying thru the blog- but we are so perfect for each other. He takes care of me as much as I would take care of him (or almost as much.) And then I have a home, not just a house--- it is my home. I have great neighbors, they are very thoughtful and caring and we couldn’t have asked for better. We like the area that we are in and our house is nice, small , and cozy- it could be a tad bigger--- but we can fix it up to my taste!
All these things going on in my life and yet I still feel there is something missing --------------------
I have tried to start giving back, last year I became involved with the March of Dimes- and raised $$$ & walked for them- I am doing the same this year (maybe I’ll do it every year) - if you want more info take a look at the website- www.marchforbabies.org/h4barrel
This year I also signed up to do the Relay for Life - American Cancer Society. My mom passed away in the summer from cancer and it was an awful sight, people shouldn’t have to deal with that- I would love to help fight it and find a cure. You can check that website out also- www.main.acsevents.org/goto/hhayden
I hope that this is a start - for my own sake and I will always try to do the right thing to make me a happier person along with people in my life. Even if it means giving!