Relay For Life

Wow- Amazing, so last night I went to the Relay for Life event in Green Island. I did not stay the entire night but i left around 10pm---after the luminaries. OMG--- that was amazing... it was so emotional, i could not stop crying. when they started to put the bags around the track to prepare for the lighting, i was walking the track with Alexzander and so him and i started to read each bag---- as we were walking they asked for everyone to clear the track and only have the "caregivers" take 1 lap around--- these are the forgotten ones when some one is going through this tragedy---these are the people who help you get through. Zander & i respected them enough to step aside and wait until they took that lap and we honored them----as we finished our 1st lap around w/ the bags out- i just broke down, it was so sad and heartbreaking to read what some people had wrote on there bags. i saw the ones that we made in honor of my mother and a few others in our life... that is when i completely lost it-----WOW
then later on when it started to get dark- they put lights in the bags and they had all the survivors surround the track--- a torch was lit and each individual survivor walked it to another (it was completely quiet and very slow and soothing music was playing) i watched as the torch was passed from one to the next and i cried the entire time. this is to honor all the ones who have passed on from cancer and for those who have survived it. my cousin Fred was one of the survivors on the track. let me just tell you---- i am still emotional about it, just writing this i am crying all over again. i love raising $$ for a great cause, and i would love to participate in walks and events--- but this one took a little piece of my emotions and brought it to the surface. I don't know if i can do it again (maybe it get easier as the years go by), i would defiantly raise funds again, but i may just stay home the next time or maybe not.

Maybe i still need grieving time for my mother, I'm not sure. i thought i was almost prepared for her death---we saw it coming (i know, you're never 100% prepared for someone to die) but, i handled it very well. i don't remember crying to much, but the more that i think about things, and different events happen in my life the past year---- the more i start to cry and when i do i think of my mother. maybe this is my way of grieving for her and also giving back----besides she keeps popping up in my dreams at night (it's kinda creepy)
anyways, after the luminaries i hung out for a bit longer and walked the track some and then i decided it was time to head home. my cousin Melissa and her friends were kind enough to walk me to my car- as i was driving away it was very quiet for me and i had a few moments to just sit back and take it all in. that was so healing for me and i wish that my brothers and sister were there. i think that it would have been good for them also.
Well all i know is that I have already raised $100 for American Cancer Soiety and I would still ike to raise more for the year- I have until Aug 31st to get more funds in there- and then i will start again for next year. This is the site you can go to if you would like to donate---- http://main.acsevents.org/goto/hhayden

Thanks!

CHILDREN?

So obviously Gordo does not and most likely will never read my blog--- he thinks that it is stupid to have one. i rave so much about him and how good he is and then he make me feel like crap by telling me that my thoughts are "stupid"
I tell you, sometimes MEN are the STUPID ones. This is a good way for me just to release what ever i have to say--- kind of like having a diary when we were kids--- just that it's not locked away.
So Alexzander is going to be 2 very soon and i would love to have another child. I have actually been pushing Gordo to try for another one since last August--- I really do not want Zander to be an only child and i dont want to have them too many years apart either.... i am not staying home all the time to raise children. I watched my mother do that and that is not for me. I would love to have kids close together- so they will grow up as friends and they cn also leave the house with in only a few years apart. I love that i am taking on some kids right now to babysit for. I am making some money and i also get to play with them and teach them. my neighbor is due anyday now for her 1st and i am excited. maybe it will help and i'll get a baby fix. even so- i still want to have another by the time Zander is 3- 3 1/2 years old- that give me about 6 - 9 months to plan a pregnancy and then i will also have the entire pregnancy before a new child is here. i really dont know why gordo is such an ass about this---- he has giving me a milliion and one excuses and none of them add up to a good one. he says we don't have the room, or the money (please-- does anyone ever have the money for an extra child--- you make it work!) he also says he is scared of the NICU again and my health, he is afriad that Alexzander will be upset (of course he will--- he is the only child right now-SPOILED)but before we married he knew that i wanted more then one child and he said he did too-- so i sure as hell hope he wasn't just saying that. i love my family that i have now, but i am ready for it to grow.

KITCHEN GOAL!

So i went & ordered the cabinets from my brother- he made up a new floor plan and it looked great- but i need a special order counter top- so i went over to lowes to see what it would cost for a s/o and for the hell of it i had them priceout the floor plan of cabinets-WOW, it wasn't cheap--- and my brother was saving me alot more money. So i decides to go with those cabinets instead. they should be in about the w/o the 9th of June- so hopefully my kitchen will be done by Zanders bday. This is a computerized picture of what it could possibly look like.
I do plan on having a 4th of july party/ bday party again- this year it wont be as big or as long. we are probably going to start it around 230/ 3pm til about 6/ 630pm. just enough to have dinner and some fun. i hope that it is nice out- last year was pouring rain........all day. we still had a great turn out, but the rain put a damper on the day. so that is my biggest goal right now- to completely finish the kitchen before July 4th.

Busy, Busy.....

WOW
I have had a lot going on. I just finished my NEW dining room floor- it looks great! I need to still get the trim for the walls and the transition molding but the floor is done and beautiful. I also need to put up the new ceiling and fix the wall and then that room is done. My next big project is my kitchen. All i need is new cabinets and a counter top- i also want a dishwasher/ sink and faucet to match---- i have a budget and i also asked my brother to help lay out a floor plan and possibly help if he could get stuff cheaper- but that seems to be taking for ever- i started this back in Feb 2008- and i still havent ordered cabinets (you'd think that I'd atleast have those ordered- because we took time off in June to get this done.) Now I'm not saying it has to be finished in June but i would like to atleast have the ceiling up and the old kitchen ripped out by June and starting to put the new stuff in. If I have the products ... why can't it all go in? I seriously think i should just go over to Lowes or Home Depot and look at their cabinets & stuff. I like most of the floor plan that my brother came up with- it makes sense for my small little kitchen- i just would like to move the stove in a different spot- so I think i'll use the plan he gave me with theat small little move of the stove, and bring it to the store. I know what style of cabinet I'm looking for and color- so why shouldn't i just go get a price quote. On the other hand i really am scared to because i don't want to piss off my brother. I asked him for help, and he is giving me some-----just very slow at doing it and i dont have the time to wait. So that is my next project with a small twist.
Gordo & I also want to get our BIG flat screen TV.... but i think that we need to wait a couple more months- so that we can finish the kitchen 1st and then spend $ on the tv--- we can't wait!
I also am trying to take on some kids for daycare. I have 2 boys PT 2 days a week, but i would love to have atleast 1 FT kid. I have a friend who wants ne to take her 2 kids FT temporarly starting in June, but that is when i really want to bang out my kitchen so i hope that she is willing to work with us on days off. I mayonly have her kids for 1 month or 4 months.... not exactly sure. it depends on when her oringinal daycare can start taking kids again. But if i take her kids and also have the boys PT, then i am full and when they all leave- i will have noone and will have to start all over again, and that means no income until i get a child again---- that is what i am scared of. we'll have to see how it works out.
so that's what i have been doing lately and I am also trying to pump up my Pampered Chef business.
I would love to just hold 2 shows a month, and maybe recruit 1 or 2 people. It really is a great business and i have a lot of fun doing it- i think that others would love it- and you can get such a great income from it. an average show can give you approx: $100 in a commision check. Hopefully my small business can take off and i can sit back and enjoy it. Well i'll chat more soon!