UT-OH!

Ugh... sometimes when you think you are doing the best thing for yourself and it's all the right way---it just falls apart. Maybe I'm just moving to fast and want to much to quickly. All I know is that I jump into things and then realize that it isn't a right fit---it's just so difficult getting back out of it. I realize that somethings are completely out of my control and this power trip in my head sometime just takes over....why?! I shouldn't force myself to do anything any more--maybe take a chance here or there- but I guess everything is done for a reason- why try to control it. I just need to fix the rut that I got myself into!

update!

WOW- so i have been super busy these past couple weeks. I started my new job and i have no time for Zander or my family. i finally have today off---and i am trying to get stuff accomplished---i hope i can get it all done. The job is going preety well, but it is a tough adustment. I am trying to learn the best i can and as quickly as i can---sometimes i can't live up to my expectations. i guess i'll havet o get used to it. Zander is also trying to adjust. he just went from - being at home 24/7 w/ mommy to having to go to a school and learn there ways atthat place and then going to daycare afterwards...that's gotta be tough on a kid. Now he will be going to adifferent daycare starting on monday. I need a daycare that ican be 100% reliable and i guess that is what we are going to have to do for now--- until he is in school FT. Gordo has been really busy to- his work is getting kinda crazy (i hope it settles down and he can be more relaxed.)

exciting news

Alexzander started school on Monday---it was tough, but he did it! At first he didn't want to leave my side, but then he just sat and played w/ the toys at the table. I guess when I left he began to cry and that went on for about an hour- they told me he calm down for the 2nd half of the day. He made some arts & crafts and just played. His 2nd day was just a bit better...I ended up staying for about 1/2 hour, Zander didnt want me to leave so I sat w/ him at the table and he just kept climbing my lap and cuddling- tightly! After a while i got him to sit in a chair by himself and play and then I left. this time he didnt cry to bad. Atleast they can get him to calm down, so I am hopinghe gets used to it and it all goes well for him. He has picture day already----yea, he's only been there 2 days and it's picture day-lol. i guess they do class pictures in March and Zander started just in the knick of time- so he gets his picture taking this week. I hope he is a good boy for them!... but i'll let you know.

So I got that job I was talking about in my prior post. I start on Monday and I will have Wednesdays off. I work every other weekend both days and just need to find someone to watch zander on saturdays for me- atleast until Gordo gets out of work. My sisiter Lorie/ neighbor Mary and even the babysitter said they'd help- and i only need someone everyother sat- so they would get him maybe once every month & 1/2 or even 2 months. i hope that it all goes well, I am nervous- but who isnt when they first start a new job. well i guess thats another thing i'll keep you intouched with!

A Job?!

Hi to all- just wanted to chit chat alittle bit about this job that kind of fell into my lap. i always start the begining of my thought- so here goes.....
So Zander starts preschool on March 2nd and I also don't have my ft kids anymore- so Gordo & I thought i should start to look for a job (i know the economy sucks right now---but looking can't kill ya!) i figured that once Zander started school and got into a routine i would go out there and begin my search. Well over the weekend a particular job was brought to my attention and i decided to check into it on Monday morning. I just wanted to see what it was about (job description)and the hours and ft/pt? and pay rate....all that sort of stuff. I called about it and was actually asked to come in and sit down with them to discuss more. I went to the interview and realized that i was very interested in this postion. BUT- I have alot to get situated before hand. first of all Zander doesnt have daycare- i would need to find that. I also needed to try to get his school transportation taking care of, and I have appoinments and stuff that would get in the way of a work day---- i also would have to work some weekends---and that may be tough on finding daycare for Saturdays-but i think i could handle it. So after i got home from the interview i started making calls to get daycare in order and that sort of stuff. Beleive it or not- it has been less then 24 hrs and i think i got it all in order- but i feel so unprofessional. i feel aweful when i had to tell the boss that i have preplanned days that i NEED off. it just makes you look bad from the begining, i will try to rearrange my schudle as best as i could but there are just some days that i cant change. i have a HUGE Dr's evaluation appt for Zander- it took us 7 months to get (so i am not changing that date) and we planned our vacation(which i paid for in full- yay!)- so i called and we went over mostly everything and then i had to talk about these particular days and i just felt like an idiot- i hope they dont think i am always wanting days off- it seriously is just the timing right now. I mean the whole reason we are taking a good vacation this year is because we haven't had a vaca in a few years---i usually dont request that much time off.
I orginally wasn't going to look for a job until probably April or May, but like i said- this just kind of fell into my lap. and with everything going on- the timing sucks- but i really dont want to lose this oppurtunity- so i am hoping i can just get past these next few weeks and then they will realize how good of a worker i can be...i mean god- i just busted my ass trying to get this to work out for me, hopefully that should say something!
So- all in all, i am now waiting on a phone call to set up a time to meet w/Linda (i think she's the VP) and then we go from there. I am just really hoping that i just didn't go through all this just to find out that she doesnt think that i am the right person for the job. :( i would be heart broken. Hopefully - it goes smoothly!!! I'll keep you informed.

p.s. i will also inform everyone on how Zander's 1st days at school are---we are so excited! :)